Beautiful Start. Never.

2007-09-18T10:10:00.000+08:00

weekends.

like all blue-collar personnels "whom-had-surrendered-into-the-humdrum-of-weekdays'-rush", our weekends draws a notable scent. i guess, after working like almost 14hours a day for the past five days, the 48hours weekends is the least i can be rewarded.

this weekend isnt much memorable. it's so-mundanely-easily-forgotten, yet in-a-way-still-appreciated. eh. sounds tough. few words to summarize this entire weekend:-

empowered with determination, drive to stride, step out of the box and nearer to my bistro dream, late night with the telly, joint account, missed class, down with the weather, sore eyes, and feeling fatigue for the entire day, hit the controller of ps2, had to agree holland v aint fun without the hoegaarden mood, suki sushi, did my hair - have curls now, was reminded that dad is having an operation the next day, sent the bf off to the airport, came home, and realized you'd missed him already - while catchin the drama serial off the telly.

i cant say the weekends are well-spent. 48 hours is somewhere like a median. neither a extensive nor momentary. but isnt some "love-myself" time, "the boyfriend" time, "ps2 gaming" time, "bitching with the girls" time, in a weekend sufficient to last you for the next 5 days?

2007-09-13T11:27:00.000+08:00

it's the time of the year. yet again.

it's the time again for submission of application to leading universities. maybe not leading for my case. but then still again. the dilemma.

it's been almost 2years since graduation. time indeed, waits for no one.

many of my peers like liu(he), agatha, or xiaoqian is on the verge of graduation, or had already worn the "square-cap" robe, smile happily on their commemoration day. but of course, they had embarked on the journey of education immediately after the polys, while the rest of us ventured into the society of working class citizen, or too, shouldered the responsibilities of servin the nation.

it's always prick in the finger, when time like this comes.

much pple around me encouraged and emphasized the importances of gettin that degree. quotes like:-
"no degree next time you'll work like hell." - from dad
"no paper cert, how long you need to work as junior management?" - from hei
"you're only 23 - still young, faster go study." - from bf's mum
"to rise to management level, there must be papers to back u up." - from my own boss (indirectly)

i swear, havin such hearsay thousands and one times, would gives you the inferiority complex at times.

unlike most, money is no major issue to me. neither, am born with a silver spoon, nor have tons of savings. merely based on a sentence; "education is the least all parents can give their kids", dad has no qualms abt me askin for $60K when i proposed to pursue a 3years course upon poly graduation. rememberin then, he just answered my prospal like this; "give me your calculations, tell me you're determined and confident, and i'll pack you off." but then again. idea was subsequently dropped. havin the rights to the thousands of "university sum" that dad had set aside for each of us, doesnt not mean one should take it.

so do i still wana don that "graduation robe" and smile to the camera, with a "unfitting-cap-flowers-in-hand-and-dad-by-my-side"?

erm.

am still in a dilemma.

i have two choices now.
i) work my way to for more f&b experience and relative networks, use the "university sum" for my capital, fulfill my long-time goal in runnin a small-time cafe. (*havin the upper hand currently, as bro is runnin his own cafe too. everyone in the family sings the same tune.)

or

ii) get a double honors and make everyone around me, esp dad, happy & proud. (maybe includin myself too)

wat's so irony now is:-

after one year so, am still figurin my future path, and still yet to decide between these two choices.

reminds myself. time waits for no-one.

this time, i give myself a dateline. I MUST do something. submission closes on 1 OCT!

2007-09-12T12:41:00.001+08:00

ADDICTED.

to online shoppin during office hours.

comeon. tell me what's new?

2007-09-07T10:53:00.000+08:00

Flashback. from within.

it's been sometime since this url has been active.

wellz, i've started cyndices, went hiatus for a while, even meanwhile was complemented to remove the entire link. - main reason behind all these - bloggin was just a trend. and the passion of bloggin had simply burnt off.

friends around me still have misleading pronouncation abt "cyndices". Derived from the word indices - meaning all about index, "cyn-di-ces" would mean, all about cyn.

i recalled the very 1st post i'd published - like all, now, lookin at it. it like just a loads of nonsensical writes. However, from the 1st post to the 191th post, cyndices.blogspot had become a bank for all memories.

i still remembered the exact scence how kel and I had broken up in June 2004. I still rem to exact fun and exhilaration I had in the girlies chalet in May 2004. I still rem the exact tantrum I threw when dad refused to bring me along to taiwan in May 2004. I still rem the exact hatred i had for mum in Aug 2004. I still rem the exact fear for Carina (the lecturer) during my SIP days. I still rem the days of my SIPs with my projectmates (the daily breakfast at Design School, the routine DVDs marathons, etc), I still rem the cute pot-bellied pigs at the Zoological Gardens,I still rem the broke-yet-carefree-clubbin-endlessly days with the girls, till I read all my archives from March 2004.

In fact, yes, memories will be kept diligently. But the current feelings of one will be forgotten. Of course, till one wrote everythin down. Am so glad i did.

Sidetrack - drivin last saturday was pretty fun though. After the 20minutes lecture from my instructor (link here), I corrected all my mistakes. But. I still did a major hiccup. I created a 3 lane way, in a 2-way carriageway. (which will be a immediate failure in the test criteria)

Figure 1: Slow down, signal right to overtake road hazzard. (Learner A supposed to overtake 1st, but keep delaying time.)

Figure 2: Tried to overtake Learner A, but the stupid taxi refused to allow me to merge into the right lane, kept insisted by moving forward. In the end, have to proceed dangerously as I've passed Learner A by half the car.

2007-09-04T13:40:00.000+08:00

being the chengs's daddy's girls.

as the title had stated, it's very much different or growing up being a daddy's girl.

Guess many still vividly remember the Channel 5 sitcom starring Verentta Lopez, Carrie Chong, and Jamie Yeo couple years back.

http://www.corporate.mediacorp.sg/progsales/progsales_new.asp?id=384&version=english&type=studios.

I used to catch the show fervently, shouting to dad the same time: "See, this is how we'll grow up to be like".

Now, lookin back, couple years later, i just cant help but feel nostalgic.

Except daddy's isnt a taxi driver, the chengs only has two daughters, our mum is still around, there's not a particular hairdresser around us, lastly, we are not as marriageable age yet. (maybe little sister isnt).

but one thing for sure. we would really want to be home with daddy, being his girls.

"Lulu Chong" reminds me of Cecilia Zhuang. - shy, blur, and completely clueless.
"Angel Chong" reminds of myself - of course, outgoing, loud, and with a line of suitors (*winks at felix)

those girlies and catlix* (no prize for guessin whois it.) will understand how close am I to daddy.

practically. i doubt i can survive without tellin daddy somehow. - i need our daily conversation about the job, gettin a flat, funny conversation from others, payrise, bonus, travel, even relationship problems...

or even, doin silly things with daddy dear like - sharing great hawker treats, directions to an ulu-chiam-ulu places, wat's new on the menu at Ben's place, splurging exclusively when we're in the mood for gourmet pleasures, and sniffin out deals like $8.88++ buffet supper at Quality Hotel...

few days back, i had an event at The Cathay which entitles me to free wine. like all oxygen-deprived person, alcohols often does comes with cigarettes. So of course that day, I went home lookin like an alcoholic and smellin like a chimney. as we were on our usual "before bedtime talk on daily events", mr cheng posed me a question, two in fact (loosely translated):-

mr cheng: "ay, you go drink ar? you go smoke ar?"
me: "aye. ya. i went drink." "ya, i went smoke."
mr cheng: "humpf. why smoke. say you wana quit already?"
me: "ya. slowly. but very difficult la. u dun smoke ma. but if you drink, you sure were to smoke one."
mr cheng: "gogogo, away from my bed. so smelly."
me: giggles......

no doubt like all parents, mr cheng is always anxious about his "chicks". yet no doubt, like all males, he dont pretty much explain his love.

we are no different from a traditional cheena family. we do not have the habit of showin affection openly. we dun greet each other by their first name. we dont kiss each other goodnight, nor hug them goodbye.

but i have no qualms of opening greetin mr cheng when i'm still 10 steps from our main gate. nor any qualms on sharing the same king bed with him while mum's isnt in town, nor any qualms to holdin him by the arm.

he encourages you to be charge of your life, but somehow, you just cant be independent fully.

cause. you'll just know tat, at the end of the day,

daddy dear will be just at home - awaitin for all his "chicks" to be back home. safety.

then how abt your mum?

like all had guessed. totally opposite.

if am havin an affair. am i considered a slut?

2007-06-28T14:34:00.000+08:00

if am havin an affair. am i considered a slut?

of course am not having an affair.

come think again. assuming that i am, i wouldnt be that stupid to broadcast it anyway. but seriously. am not am not.

ironically, this thought came abt through the fm radio yesterday. i think it's class 95. aint sure though. while crusing in babe's little vois, there's this one letter from one of their faithful listener. The story goes like this:- (please note, original story may differ. i'm really typing as much as i could remember.)

this lady, mdm A recently discovered her husband of 10 years is having an extra-marital affair. It's his 10th affair in their marriage. Out of despair and agony, she turned to his best friend, Mr B, whom listened attentively to her woes. eventually, consolation turns into love, this "friendship" grew into a "relationship". Both started developin affections for each other. to make things worse, Mr B too, is havin a fair share of marriage problems. after some while, Mr B decided it's time to end this "relationship", dropped Mdm A a letter, saying their "relationship" is wrong, as she still is, his best friend's wife. of course, both party were devastated........ " *suddenly, the radio was cut off..

ahem, damn spoiler. reason being, babe had already parked his car, turned off the engine, and had headed to the carboot. meanwhile, sayin the girl "fan jian". "fan jian" - the description of doin a disgraceful & sluttish action. *sidetrack - earlier that night, i had accidentally slammed the passenger door into a nearby pillar. he was anxious to get off the car to check my degree of damage to his precious. heh.

of course, as a lady myself, i was furious, but yet, curious. being prompted, he explained. the reason of using "fan jian" on the girl was because, 1) it's her husband's best friend that she had developed feelings for - which in her case, is totally erroneous. 2) even the husband is having an extra-marital affair doesnt give his wife has the right to do so. never mind the fact that her husband is having his 10th affair in their 10 years of marriage.

it leaves me to this great burnin question. "why on earth when guys cheat, it's considered a marriage norm. (of course, they blame it on many other factors too - read: "why men cheat in this month's cleo). but, when their wife do the same thing, it's considered a grave offence?". isnt it the pot callin the kettle back?

seriously. i really dun understand. 1) are we still livin in the 18th century - had the japanese re-invaded us again? 2) what had happened to all the moral civics that we had learnt in our schoolin days? 3) equal of the sexes - are we still fighting for it, or have we gotten it?. 4) guys are still the better of both sexes, yes? 5) divorce rates are risin - does it directly weighs down as our patience and opinions towards such issues are gettin much lower?

pertaining to the story, more substantial questions to swallow:- 1) does it means mdm A cant bed mr B, cause she's his "best friend's" wife? 2) in a scenario where mdm A, and mr B are only acquaintances, it will then be considered a norm not a deviant act? 3) is mr B opting out because he doesnt not want to deem as a "wife-snatcher" among his group of friends? if so, it's just a reflection of his “cowardness”. 4) mdm A had tolerated the previous 9 affairs, how come does she need to wait for the number 10 before turnin to his best friend then – so it’s a sweet revenge served cold – and familiar? 5) for the guy - they have a cap of 10 affairs, and for women, why does it have to stop at one over the span of 10 years?

maybe some would consider babe as an male chauvinist. come say. he's just sayin it from a guy's point of view. which i think it's rather true and sincere though.

to me, i felt being called a slut, or even using synopsis like this is too harsh of a term. now, it's not that she's not into some dubious act, in layman's term, she's merely "followin her heart". i say, I will remain as a netural stand. guess if you have to, you have too. sometimes matters of the heart can't be specific.

sometime back, i was tellin my best friend, carol this - in a scenario that i'm married - with kids, my husband have a high-flying job, is the sole breadwinner, no beer-belly, still have his masculine looks, AND is having an affair. I will shut an eye on this.

i’d read abt this distressin issue off magazines, forums, and even blogs. which in a way, I agreed. that ultimately, each night, my husband still comes back to the same intimacy with the very same woman, whom he had exchanged his weddin vow with. at the age of say 35 and above (after bearin the kids), one really have to admit that “there’s a lot of younger meats out there, and men occasionally would just wana spread their seeds for fertilization.”

of course, am not implyin being my husband in the future, had this immerse privilege to have an affair. but sometimes, things are really unpredictable.

well, of course, when things are getting too much out of hand, then it’s a different story. i still know when to walk out, when worse is comin to worse.

carol immediately called me a physo. 100% certain that she'll completely against that idea - stating "once her husband have an extra-martial affair, she'll be out of the marriage".
but sometimes, somehow, we just never know what's the next call for action. women are neither stupid nor weak - selected times, we "behaved" so, yes. but literally, no. if it really happens one fine day, out of desperation, i aint sure what is the last decision. however, am certain, walkin out with no string attached and without any emotional burden is never my forte. nor anyone else i believe.

i do not grow up in broken family. my dad doesnt have any extra-martial affairs - well, not that i know of. so, am considered fortunate in a way.

say. when it comes to things like tat, usually, it's the kids who suffered. forcin them to relinquish their priceless innocence much faster.

sad. this is the world. guess this is how we grow.

irony. am attending a wedding dinner tonight.

sings* love. is. in. the. air.

when love had reach its maximum cap

2007-03-15T10:59:00.000+08:00

i thought, before i smash flat into the keyboard due the constant heaviness & wavering of my head (much thanks to the "2pcs Chicken MEAL, one bottle of water, 2 large pao, and few sticks of tobacco.) i'll just occupied myself with the mere pretence of being busy.

It is in fact the most unexciting day in the office. Boss' out for golf - means no cigarettes partner. Angela's on MC - means having one less people to chat with. The rest like Sally & Ting are damn busy with their work.

before some gets bewildered, all right, am working for Esmirada Group of Restaurant - the F&B establishment with 5 outlets under its belt, and 12 years of history. Wellz, in this line, seeing restaurants open and close faster than you says "WOW", this's in fact, something that we, the "marketers" boast about.

Say, Friends like Sharon (Tan), Kin, Liu(he), and Anna, loves my job. My job is good. Wellz, yes and no.
The hard part is - I almost have absolute no social life. Esmirada at Chijmes has become a second home.
Technically speaking, the first. The chances of my colleagues seeing me are much higher in comparison to that of my own parents. Till date, I've spent my Valentine's, my Anniversary, NYE's (mid), and any other important dates around the vicinity.

This job, I tell you, is not your usual 9-6pm. Sometimes, I work 12 - 16 hours a day. Without counting the multitasking of doubling up as a waitress, hostess, and mother hen (when they're short of manpower in the restaurant).

And the pay is not at all MAGIC BEANS. Compared to what my peers are getting, this is absolutely peanuts, PEANUTS! When I compared with own previous experience in Public Relation. Pay unmatchable. When I compare with own previous work experience. Pay unmatchable. And, when I compare with the 2006's Diploma Graduates' Starting Pay. Not EVEN there.

However, most jobs aint measure by gross allowance. Yes. I agree. Of course, when I mention things like; transportation, telephone bills; meal at restaurants; are all provided by the company. Cigarettes & Coffeebreak personally on Boss.

Say, wat that, I practically decide on own working hours. - sometimes I overslept and I would just sms saying I'll be at 11am, which saves my cabfare as well. Ahem, as long as I reach the office before my BOSS. Another thing, I dine for free (yes, wine & beer included) at all five of the restaurants. - mind you guys, I entertains food reviews, so please any takers? I usually do lunch meetings at Brasserie Wolf - the privileged ENT authentic French fine dining. Reading Straits Times Interactive on the job for 1.5 hour became official. The Best part is - my angmo Boss asks me to chuck my work aside just to accompany him for coffeebreak in Grand Hyatt - simply cause he needs a smoking partner while having his coffee.

Forget abt this, The one thought of how much Ive matured on my job made me smile – with pride. Marketing proposal, IPC, Singapore Budget, Business proposal are now part and parcel of my job. Dealing with difficult customers, and the objective of making 20K out of a one night event – with the restaurant limited seating – had became a fulfilling challenge that i accept with pleasure.

In just 1 year of working experience, how much can a “fresh” diploma graduate achieved from just one mere company? I aint sure.

But, tell me, what beats the fact that a PRIVATE LIMITED company offers to splurge on your degree class? On the usual condition of course. – imagine a rope, tie - bond.

I believe - Once you're an asset to your job. You're priceless. I cant say I am though.

Yes. I admit. It is really tempting. I am considering. Still considering.

2006-11-04T18:09:00.000+08:00

an average plain jane you will think
to push me over, is a possibility

keeping silence patiently
absolutely not it absolutely is

sniggering now saying. you shall see
one plain old jane, hah, i neither be

infuriated me it would be
start a spark, light a fire, as it seems

add the abhorrence, plus the resentment,
encouraging it to persist

so still try using your anesthetized brain to think
so still try using your density of feelings

Congratulations.
Any moment, you’ll get a taste of it.

I SWEAR, I WILL PUT YOU DOWN SO MUCH BURYING YOU IN DEEP IN COMPLETE SHAME, WITH THE MOST INTRIGUING SARCASM YOU WILL EVER HEAR. YOU WILL SEE ME LAUGHING AT YOU, IN A MOCK PATHETIC TONE, PRESENTING YOU THE SNIGGERING FACE. YOU WILL FIND ME SPEAKING THE FOULEST LANGUAGE YOU WILL IMAGINE, FORCING YOU INTO AN EDGE YOU WOULD WISHED, IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.

I REPEAT. YOU WILL WISH YOU KEPT YOUR FUCKING PRIDE.

NOW. YOU WISH. BASTARD. YOU WISH.

the only cat. am not afraid of.

2006-05-30T09:46:00.000+08:00

the only cat. am not afraid of.

ahh.. right. Cats. with a capital S. to others, they are the most adorable animals one could be associated with. with their sizzling eyes, and voluptuous fur, it's indeed without a single doubt that none wont be bedazzled by their beauty.

no. I beg to differ. and I do admit. Cats.. Are..

my worst phobia. the worst of the worst. honestly. i'm afraid of several domestic creatures, like the slimy lizard, the disgusting beetles, as well as the dark flying cockroaches. But the fear of them, is just a mere percentage compared that of the horrifying, distressing creatures of the dark.

Just a slight sight, would sent a shivering chill straight towards the end of my spine. just a realization of them, makes me go around in a huge detour. just a mere crossing of the pesdestrian path, makes me stop in my tracks. just a glance of their eyes, makes me shiver in fear. Just a slight shake from their limps makes me completely still in my walking path. just a minor move of their body, makes me scream in terror. just a brush of their tail, pushes me to a closer step of insanity. just a sudden appearance, makes me run, like am in a marathon.

however, aint it irony. now. this guy of mine, whom makes me grin, like a child hopelessly lost in the abyss of happiness. is a vivid illustration of "the-minute-creature-that-shooked-my-heart".

he drove all the way from the other end of singapore each time, to meet me. he never fails to pick me up after work on every friday nights. he stretch his hand to take my heavy bag working bag, and in a swift moment, placed his arms around my shoulders. he is displeased coz i wana go home myself from jurong. he pushes money into my palm coz i complained i'm short of cash to take the cab home from jurong. he remembered my buggings abt goin to zoo and night safari, and managed to convince his mum about the free passes. he carries my tons of shopping bags without a single complaint. Alrite, there is. But kept still to the minimum. He pratically moved into my place, because I would need his tender goodnight kisses.

no doubt. there are times where he made me real mad. distrustin me. accusing me of "free plays". restricting my movements. disallowing my chillouts with my guyfriends. disapprovin of me goin clubbin. displeased with the fact tat i drink heinekens like tap water after work on thurs, fri, and sats. havin to report my every movement after 6pm, when i knocked off from work. failed to call me during lunchtimes, to remind me he misses me. heh.

however. am in love. with a silly cat. a good cat. a lucky cat. and still. a cat. meow.

2006-02-14T14:39:00.000+08:00

Finally, Chinese New Year had offcially approached its end. Yes, indeed, i couldnt be more than happy for this. Literally, most people would say, the new year had ended in fact, long ago, before the offcial 15days was up. Most visitations, collecting of angbaos, gettin red packets, gamblin, mahjongs, or perhaps incidents like "followin parents for some once-year-see-on-time visitation to-duno-who-family yet-you-had-to-pretend-that-you-know-them-so-well.

All these had came to a pass indeed. I doubt there would be alots of Chinese doin all these now, as for these, it's done only intensively on the first few days of the CNY. However, if you asked me, wat i like most about CNY. I would reply you, in a flat tone completely without an intense doubt. A Firm No. Indeed. Totally Nothin. Tell me, how's your reunion dinner full of sumptuous food, deliciously slurped till the last drop, and i'll tell you my reunion was maggie mee, eaten alone, in front of the television, at 130am after work. And yes. I'm proud of it. Not for the fact of the maggie mee, or havin an alone reunion.

Say, I'd missed reunion dinner with my family. Even with the whole lot of relatives in Malaysia. For it's a tradition that every year, we're to go back to my Grandma's for the 30-over people dinner. I'd missed the gatherings with my only-able-to-see-about-twice-a-year relatives, i'd missed playin ba-luck with the same generation cousins, i'd missed havin mahjong sessions with the grown-ups, i'd missed answerin questions on my current doings, i'd missed clearin doubts of silly-yet-oh-so-common questions, i'd missed gettin some angpaos of cheapo relatives who pretend not to know how many kids my parents has. I'd missed. However, for the above mentioned, for all that I had missed, I miss. Not a single bit.Certainly. It would be evident. I hated CNY. Much. Curious as most maybe. Silly as some would argue.

Somehow, CNY period is just another season. I used to think. CNY is very much about the Angpaos we had collected in the past few years. However, as i grew older, the significant of money came. By calculation, these "blessings/the additional money in the red packets", is as equlivent to wat my parents gave. For every $4 you had received, they would be givin either the same amount, or perhaps more. It's additional "God-blessed"? I certainly doubt so. Tat explains how come, Airlines tremedously increased their fares in these so-called peak period, and people are still willing to pay. Like they says, "More worth it than givin angpaos, whole family still can go holiday somemore." One stone kills two birds, of course.

"But well. CNY is extensively for gatherings. For people whom are abroad. Chinese New Year would be the period whereby everyone gets together, for a dinner. Tat's why they called it reunion." Yes, some could have the nerve to say this. Eh, so wat. i dun see any importance of it. Especially, it certainly doesnt help much, if you have totally irriatin relatives whom, I called them "TONA"s. Talk Only, No Action. And, they never failed to "test the system". On the other hand, neither could i argue back in a more sacratic tone, nor i could simply do nothin.

Irony it may seems. As a child gradually steps into adulthood, the joyous feel of Chinese New Year each year, is greatly diminishin. Ok, am aint 100% sure about other 22years olds. However, to me, it is. Still. I could vividly remember, how celebratory my CNY was, while growin up.

In our pre-primary schools, as well as primary school days, growing up in the small town of Johor. Each year in the afternoon, of CNY Eve, as routine, we would rushed like wild boars, to avoid the jams, to be there with them (the relatives), to be on time, for the sumptuous reunion dinner. Meanwhile, Daddy would drive us to some shophouse, to get buy-watever-you-wan fireworks. Which would be the climax of the CNY. This went one for quite some years, till one fine day. Malaysian Government realized too much of their attap houses are burnt, and placed a ban on the sale of fireworks.

However, it didnt damped our CNY moods either. As kids, we're still excited. However, this time, its another story. The gambling. At that point of ban, the pre-primary school us had grown up, and learnt our Maths, able to do metal yet rapid calculation, for Ban-luck. Or to some of you, Blackjack. But of course, we were excited about our new found talent too. So, as the adults are so-called "mahjongin", we, the kids, kept ourselves busy with Blackjackin.

Apparently, these "kids" grew over the years. As one got older, one got more distant. Some went overseas for further studies, some went other places to earn a living, some had been married. Intially, it was a sad feeling. Failing to each a particular cousin on CNY eve at the reunion dinner. However, as each year passes by, and the table got smaller, and my euthusism about CNY got lesser too.

Till this day, instead of rushin like a wild boar, I looked at my Dad and asked, with the most pathetic voice, "Do we have to go?", "Can I not?". Each year, i got the same stern face, "totally hopeless" glance, and the same answer. NO. So indeed. I went. I sulked. I dread the days. I acted like i'm really interested/excited to see each and everyone of them. I tried hard to remember the excat old tradition way of addressin each relative. I tried to totally engrossed in the silly shows they were showin in Astro. I ignored those oh-so-sickenin faces of the upper generation. I siggnered discreetly about the piao-lang-mama, bringin 7kids with rm2 red packets. I tried to sleep in the dusty livin room, and the tendency of wakin up with a flu the next day.

Of course, you can imagine how elastic i was, in Singapore for Chu 1&2. Indeed, after 22years. No doubt. I may patheticly had to endure work on a CNY Eve. I may had to stand in the midst of Chinatown, shoutin "Happy New Year!". I may not have a crowded reunion dinner. I may had been endovered by the crowd awaitin the fireworks, after work. I may had a maggie-mee-one-dish-course dinner. I may had stayed at home the whole day of Chu 1. I may had settled my dinner, with over-charged coffeeshop fare. I may had no places to do my own visiation as, my friends were all busy with family visitin on Chu 1. I may at times, ate the new year goodies as a meal. I may missed out some redpackets from potential givers.

But Pathetic? Absolutely NOT.

I just. DUN like. Chinese New Years.

2006-02-09T06:30:00.000+08:00

Yes, After a too-long-of-a-post-graduation break,
to near 5months of relaxation, I've got my butt up.
And begin aggressively sendin resumes. Finally.

Wish me Luck.

2006-01-31T22:05:00.000+08:00

this pretty darlin. aint she adorable.

2006-01-20T05:24:00.000+08:00

I stared at this for the longest time before I organized my thought systematically. No doubt. There are combinations of events that are goin through my mind. At this moment. Different thoughts came by all together. Especially when you've just gotten achoholicly high, feelin much more better after a long hard cold bath.

Flashes of events, recaps, and reminiscences still lingers around, remaining fresh, in my mind, at the back of my head. Be it, either the joyful, unforgettable, utterly wild, entertaining, absolutely madness, or, the filled with anger, downright revengeful, regrets, thoroughly ugly, intensely sour. Ask me, how does it feels like. And I will say. It's quite like how a bullet train had just past you by at a complete tremendous speed, leavin the wind gushin towards your direction, havin you hair all messed up, against the fight of the strong force. It would too, quite feels like the bell for recess just rang, hungry school kids dashin towards the canteen, with the intention of wantin to be first in the queue. On the other hand, it does feels like walkin into a retail stall, "decor"ly filled with diamonds, be it their decor, or being spoilt by choice, you're all bedazzled into being total speechless state for words.

Ironically, each of the individual thoughts are so. Much personal. That makes me ponder into publishin it in the first place. But however. Come think of it. It might be another good chance to blog too. Else. Not now. Or maybe not in near future. Anyway. First things first. Let me do a summary of what had I been through durin my absence since the last post. In just two weeks, I've survived. 4 nights at MOS. 2 nights at Dbl O. A 2hour queue in order to hit the oh-so-famous club. Norm of gettin utterly high on the alcohols. Drank Heinekens like tap water. Given all the "zi-zhi-ren" guys kisses, on their cheeks. Given all my so-called-part-times hot wet smooches. Last meet-up with Mae before she went San Diego. Twice meetin the ex-bobby's for cheap beers at lotstock. The oh-so-perfect BF almost bashed up one of my guyfriend. A disappointin-waste-of-money Bangkok trip. A breakup after a short 2months. A new hairstyle. A damn short till "i-look-werid-and-it-made-my-face-fat" fringe. A new experience from overseas. 5packs of Thailand cigarettes. An "extract from the movie The Terminal". Samplin Bloody Marys at both BedSupperClub and Q Bar. Acquisitions of another new Baileys and Martini. How's tat?

Ok, i'll skip the elaboration of how spectacular, gigantic, remarkable and stunnin MOS (Ministry of Sound) is. As I supposed almost the whole population of Singapore had been there, done that. However, I've gotta add this. The Man whom is in charge of MOS is really refined. We are in their queue for their New Year Party (ok, Bryan was, I merely joined him after work). And this guy, I tell you, was busy in charge of the safety of his partygoers, yet on the other hand; he thanked and apologized to us, for the long hours of queuein outside, before allowin us to enter. Put this aside, i've read in the news yesterday, MOS would be doin somethin about all these. Read Life, Page 2, Saturday, 7th Jan.

Now, you may ask. So what's about the extract of The Terminal? Since it's over, let me speak. It was a true long story. Not exactly endless though. It was on the New Year day we had voyaged our Bangkok trip. Yes. It would be a bad idea though. However, as the time came, I dread. On this trip, the feelings aint the same anymore. I had no longer immersed in the sensation of perfectly-in-love. I dragged myself to the airport after a long night of working, clubbin, and tahin of waterfall, flaming lambo, Barcadi 151, Barcadi Dry.

The first day came and got by completely fine. Everythin was adequate. I've reached the airport, we took our flight, I've slept throughout the whole 3hours, made plentiful of excuses to ignore his touch, we[read:I] shopped, we kept our distance, and thank god for the twin not double hotel room, therefore, we slept on different beds.

However, on the second day, we had agreed on a breakup. reason: being friends would be better, much much better. However, HIM, the so called oh-so-perfect boyfriend, got himself so damn drunk, tat he got on my nerves. Details, shall not be revealed to protect the rights of both parties. Haha. Ok. I'm lazy to type la. Anyway, back to the point. So much tat i wana out of there. Out of bangkok, out of the hotel, and out of being there. So at 5.30am in Bangkok, I hailed the taxi, bought my own return ticket on the spot. Waited for 5hours in the Bangkok Airport for my flight. Meanwhile in these it-seems-like-five-days 5hours, i had Bangkok's Burger King as Breakfast. Met a new Angmo Executive Friend called Kevin. Smoked endless of cigarettes. Used my luggage as a pillow, and slept on the strench of chairs in the airport, while listenin to my Zen Mirco, used the bagguage trolly as portable stool, sittin down whenever possible. While waitin in the tickets queue, while havin my smokebreak, even while waitin for the cubicle for the ladies.

Friends around me said I'm crazy, gusty, irresponsible, damn power to be able to do such a thing. On top of the fact that I'm a vulnerable lady, they called. When things were to happen, I would be completely defenseless. Well, I truly agreed on how dangerous it was. I was in a forgien country, this i had to admit. Even i were to die there, *choy*, it would takes at least 2-3days to notify my family. And we are now talkin abt the fact that, my body would be found.
Say, there's another time when I've got separated from my friend in Chatuchak Weekend Market. That's when my 1stvisit to Bangkok around last May. In the end, I merely continued my shoppin alone, and after near 3hours, I took the BTS from Mo Chi, and walked the 10mins journey to my hotel, while smoking my cigarettes. ALONE. Oh ya. I grabbed a latte from the roadside coffeestall meanwhile. How utter MAN is that?!

In fact, when these things do happen, the only thing you can depend on is your instant reaction to situation. I dun expect to sit/stand there in the middle of the traffic, and start to be panicked, and completely have none idea at all. I merely do wat I deem fit. For that moment, I had to agree, the horrid stories that I've been ever told before, about foreigners being kidnapped and killed for money in Bangkok, was totally out of my mind then. But I had to digress. When things happens, People just react. I guess a lot of you would react the same way as me too.

Till now, I haven been able to tell my Dad about the whole incident, and all the "minor hipcups" that had happened to me before. When I traveled of course. For I believe, after telling him, I would be banned from travellin without his accompanice. Lol. Anyway. Right now. Here am I. Typin this entry. That proves that i'm completely safe, sound, and gained. in both weight, and experience. So, rest assured. Heh.

Now. Words aside. Eye Candies Right.

When they says. Somethings Dun Change.

I say. I Believe.

The Margaritas Love Triangle.

MOS. Long time ago.

FYI. That's MR Oh-So-Perfect. Ex.

With darlin Mae.

2Barmaids. And our Mad Sara.

Oh. Lookin at the last photo, I had braided my hair over in Bangkok. Total of 6 pleats, 3 of fluorescent pink, 3 of dark brown. For only a total of 120bath. Which is equivalent to only like $5 here. Scream: Cheap. But sadly to say, it only last for 2weeks. I tell you, it's damn difficult to comb your hair after your shower mann. Anyway. Over and done with. I bet i'll do a full braid next time. Meanwhile. Love.

2006-01-04T14:01:00.000+08:00

dun. try me.

not. even. think.

am certainly. not ur average jane.

no.

none to near. at all.

get it.

2005-12-26T14:11:00.000+08:00

For a Change.

Too much of often. I have people tellin me, how fortunate I am to have Shawn as my boyfriend right now. The comments would ranges : "I think you have a very nice boyfriend", "Shawn is very good to you hor." blah blah blah. Sometimes I do agree. Like how smart and intelligent he is, being a student of NUS, gettin his honors in just afew months. Like how he already set-up a now-breakeven-design-company way even before he had graduated. Like how good-lookin he is, whereby he's greatly sought after. Like how he plans plentiful little surprises just for a simple Christmas, despite the agreements not to exchange presents. Like how he hugs me and keep me warm in the cinemas, knowin I cant stand the icy temperature. Like how he planned and made the arrangements for our 5days Bangkok trip, in the midst of rushin his only 10% done FYP, due in late January. Like he gave me absolute freedom to work, to drink till i' m completely drunk, to club as and when. No obligation. No question asked. No demands. Yet, he would be this perfect gentleman whom picks his girlfriend after a hard day of work. Sends her home after a tah-ing-Barcadi-drys-tequila-shots session without gettin cross. Comfort her legs after few hours on the podium of the dancefloor. Like how he got much of worried instead of being cross, havin seen his lousy-drinker girlfriend gettin super high continuously 4days straight. Like how he trusted me to go on a 3days Gentin gamblin spree, with Bryan, even there's this string-of-imaginary-"accidents"-like-all-guys-think-would-happen. Like how, he came to my place, and whipped up a deliciously-anyhow-whacked dinner for me, and my family. Like how he brought me to plentiful of nice chillouts places, due to the fact tat i like to drink. [ok, the last statement is a joke.]

But. Wait a minute. You may say Aiya, puppylove, honeymoon period only lehz. Ok. Whatever. The problem is. this boyfriend of mine treated me so damn well, till i cant find a fault in him for an argument. He allow me to go on my way, yet on the other hand he's cool about it. He placed me priority, yet on the other hand, he din deem as needy. He gave me the privilege to decide, on the other hand, indecisive he's absolutely not.

Aye. *Snapped* Before you saya, ok, even myself start convincin that, my boyfriend is a saint. Stop. Look. At the other side of the story. And for a change. please tell him how lucky he is. Being my boyfriend instead.

Say wat about. The fact that I always waited for him to end work at fathers before goin out, even though i had to wait at least 2hours straight. Say wat about. The fact that i would insist goin home myself. Because from town to hougang to cck is an unnecessary too big of a round. Say wat about. The fact that i'm independent, i dun teh for his need to accompanice. Say wat about. The fact that he've gotten an ipod Nano, for his birthday this year, despite the fact that we are only together for only a mere month. Say. Wat about the fact that. He has a pretty girlfriend. Ok. Dun even talk about pretty. I shall be more humble. Acceptable-lookin girlfriend whom looks good enough to hook his hands in the middle of an-overly-meaningless-crowded Orchard Road. And lastly. Say. Wat about the fact that. I choose him. Say. Wat about. The fact that the last fact overrules all the above.

So the bottom line. Who's the luck.ier one?

2005-11-22T00:48:00.000+08:00

i miss them. much.
those where the days.

2005-11-19T15:12:00.000+08:00

Come on. Come on.

Please give me a round of applause.

Do add some insane cheers and screams too.

For a record, after near 3months of hibernation.

I'm back.
Your truly is now.
BACK.

Lookin back at the last entry. 10 August 2005. Tat marks the day Trav and I got together, National Day 2005 itself. And now. In this case. This entry would then be markin the separation of Trav and myself. No. Dun get me wrong. I'm not tryin to prove anythin. I'm not tryin to make u guys count the days by simple calculation. Wat makes me blog now is just I cant get to sleep. And I guess this is the best time to make up for the lack of entries for the past few months.

As most of you might be askin. "Wat makes the breakup?", "What had gone wrong?". Wellz. I shall answer that question by question. Of late, things hasnt been goin well for him and me. I've been feelin gloomy deep down within. And people around me, whom i've confided in, been tellin me all sort of bombastic love physiology, or rather lots romantic love stories, let alone honey-coat-diabetically-sweet words. But to say the truth. I'm still left very much untouched. To cut long story short, I'm plainly. Irresponsible.

Our communication diminished. Our meetup became lesser. And "strangely" or naturally, I became busier. Much more busier. With friends. With work. With myself. I started to avoid. Avoid from my inner feelings. To stop concernin. To escape from the relationship. The bottom line: I started to drift. Further and further apart. I wana to have more love-myself time. I wana to have more Sundays with family. I wana have more weekends with friends around me. I wana have more of no obligations. To an extent that i've convinced myself. Havin a relationship is totally out my priorities.

Ok. I know. These are all excuses. Total Irresponsible. What the hell are u takin relationship for. What the hell are you takin commitments for. You might say. Call me anythin rangin from a bitch, to a player, to somethin so uncouth that pple have to use *** to censor off. People around me would say, "There, I knew it. Cynthia ah Cynthia... blah blah blah." Right? But anyway. We had our happy days. Photos as memories. Words spoken as evidence. We had our arguments. Tears shed. Voices raised. We've done everythin a couple in love had done. Movies. Dates. Dinner. Enchanted Moments. Surprises for each other. Heartfilled hugs&kisses. Meet the parents. There maybe much we have not done yet, like spendin festivals together. Goin on a holiday. and more. But... never mind. I'm in no position to give a tearduct speech as well.

But, honestly speakin. I have to really thank Trav. He's real liberate. He did not ask much. And magnanimously says that he will let me go. To part for our own ways. As he wants me to be happy. Till he read this post. The reason would still be a mystery to him. Perhaps after he had read this post. The reason would be completely ridiculous for him. Whatever it is...

(Thank you. I guess I still owe you a real explanation. I'm truly sorry to opt for the cowardly way of endin this relationship, without havin a good talk, without givin you a chance to say your piece, your feelin, and your side of the story. Right now. I've given u nothin but devastation. However, no matter wat, please be the insane, jackass, complete crazy Travis in front of e again.)

Anyway. Back to Basic. Life was pretty good for me recently. Nothin much new. Except for the breakup. So good, So routine, So mundane, that it had became borin. So much of doin the same old stuff for 4 months had integrated it into a habit. The habit of goin to Chjimes each day. The habit of havin a late night routine. The habit of meetin the same old people, doin the same old stuff like: "Hi, table for 2?", "Can I start you with any drinks first?", "2 Hekenien pints". So mundane that there's only a slight different of havin a PERFECT life. Wait a minute. Dun get me wrong. I'm absolutely of no position to boast about anythin. It's completely of no intention of tellin you guys i'm livin in a fairytale. The reason why am I sayin I’ve on the verge of obtainin a perfect life is. I"VE BEEN DOIN THE SAME OLD SHITS EVERYDAY. Dun they say practice makes perfect. Now, give me some commendation then. To be "practicin" the same things everyday.

Speakin of how bored i've become, there are multiple times i've told myself, as well as people around me, tat "this-week-will-be-the-last-week". However, regardless of the peanuts pay, regardless of how fucked-up the job is gettin, regardless of how completely immune i've becomin to my job. I find myself, submittin schedules week after weeks. I've found myself contradictory, stuck in Bobby's, on one hand requestin for more workin hours, on the other hand, completely sick of the job. But, why is it so, i've asked myself. And of late, i've discovered. It's the people that make you stay on. No matter how insanely disgustin the job is, the so-take-care-of-me kitchen staffs, the sing-in-the-same-frequency colleagues, the fun-lovin-no-hassle-servin kinda people you would get to meet there. These factors made me procrastinate about leavin much.

I've been tellin myself. I've find a "normal" workin hours, 9am to 5pm office job. I shall aim to be the next professional blue-collar lady in the estate. I shall work my way up the social ladder. The schedule should be as follow, Monday to Wednesday shall be a normal workin day. Thursday and Friday I shall work at night as a brand ambassador (Too much pay to let it go). Saturday night will be the Crazy-let-your-stress-release nightsout. By the time it reaches Sunday. It would be formal family day. However. Weeks after weeks. Till now. I've stopped sendin resume completely. I've stopped readin Classified Jobs fervently. I've even stopped entertainin thoughts of havin a normal hour job. I take each day. By each day. Passes by. Countin hours worked. Calculatin amount earned.

Seriously. I'm real tired of jugglin between 2jobs. A magic beans pay as a "brand ambassador". And the peanuts pay as an "all-rounder-barmaid-waitress-public-relations-brand-ambassador." In complete layman's term, beer promoter. Next time u see someone, wearin high heels black boots, with an "Erdinger/Tiger/Hekenien/Guiness" outfit, I might be the one. Workin so much and hard had kind of taken a toll on my social life. I kinda feel left out of the circle my girls and I used to create last time. I vividly remember the carefree days of Bishan movies outing when we've so free, and broke. The free and easy Hongkong trip. The youth days I shall called it. However, Pity me not. I've spent too much time focusin earnin magic beans that i've completely neglected each and everyone of time. Slap that comment "I've deserve it" on me, time management, social life, work (read:money), family needa to be greatly prioritize fairly immediately.

Like everyone's sayin. We've grown. And taken our own path of life. Towards our individual goals in life. Kids? Aint we no more. Free? Not much these days. However, I greatly needa thank them for everythin. Esp Miss Carol. For all tat i've done. She's givin me complete understandin. Vivian too, for organizin each meetin. Basically all the 6girls. I miss Coconut groove. And the THICK mushroom soup in Sizzler. Heh. Now, I would like to remind u girls. CHRISTMAS PARTY THIS YEAR! And Vivian, I will try learnin bakin turkeys alrite? Michael, I hope u got the cow again this year!. Now, do let me consider is there's anymore "doggies" again. Heh.

At the end of the line, I just wana say, working much may be a good life. It helps takes lots of stuffs off my mind too. Not that i'm facin alot of stress though (as, truely aint a university students muggin hard for their end semester exams). I've been much bothered by the fact that i'm changin gradually. Be it physical or emotional or characterwise. People grown. People changed. People reacted. People reminisce. People longed for the past. People dread future. Perhaps here. Tat "people" is me.

Somewhere or rather, I wish I could go somewhere quiet. Spent a day near the beach. With a storybook in hand. No but thanks. I dun needa any physical accompanies. For what I really need. Is a true tranquility. Perhaps. Perhaps.

2005-08-10T04:46:00.000+08:00

it's a real funny time to blog. after such a long interval. and esp when you're havin a 10am class tml. but. i just wana go on typin every insane nonsense of mine. like. bits of here and there. random of the random thoughts. ask me. right now, wat am i thinkin about. seriously, this cant be even called the blog of the random thoughts. reason being, me, the blogger, cant even pinpoint excatly wat the hell are goin this amazin brain of mine.

i just wana go on and typin. hell lot of nonsense. which indeed doesnt make sense. right now. i really feel like makin another long-distance call for a mere chat. in this wee hour. ahem. tat's lots of wat i wish i could do. wish i could just take up the phone. and call. anyone on the list. just blabberin and blabberin.

like. how i really wana a holiday. with the sun and the sand. with the breeze and the darkness. i've told lots about this silly thought of mine. whereby, you could lie in the middle of the shore, just merely enjoyin the uv ray, burnin into your skin in the hot sunny mid-day. but as the night falls, head back to the hotel room. have a long bath. and rest besides the window. nothin would beats the actual feel of the seabreeze, swoonin through your face, with a book in your hand. aint this true relaxation. aint this complete serendipity. well, i'm not sure about others. but. at least it goes for me.

like how i really wish to dance and twirl around. in the shimmerin luminous field of golden sunflowers, with the rays of the sun shinnin upon them. enjoy the breath-takin view. lose yourself. in the pretty sight of the yellow meadows. indulge into the sweet-smellin fresh flowers. and dance. and twirl. and go awakenin-insane. and just for once, place everythin little single thing aside.

like how i wana so much to catch Charlie on the Chocolate Factory on screen now. (Dun tell me about how nice and kiddish is the show about). To me. It's like childhood all over again. It's like a fanatasy comin true. It's like goin back to wat you're when you're growin up. It's such a indescribable feelin tat i get. It's like, say, i could travel back time. for the first time. I'm not sure about others. But I have read Ronald Dalh's stories when i was a still a simple kid way long ago. And this particular stories lies a lingerin impression in me. Till now. Tat explains my anticipation for tat show.

like how i've seriously enjoyin my work. being a freakin workaholic and wild party animal at the same time. Well. for those who dun really know. ok. i've been workin at Chijmes as a waitress and a barmaid. But seriously. Barmaid seems so underratin. Like someone who really slog for the bar. Well, from wat i know. Bartenders are usually addressed to guys. And Barmaids will be used to call the ladies. Each time. Each day. I'll go to work on an anticipatin mood. And end work with a saddier note. Tat's the fun of workin there. Everyone brought up the fun even though the workin hours are really irregular. for example, it would goes way to say 2am in the mornin. But yea. So far. i've been lookin forward to work so much. to the extend that i've been completely neglectin other proprities like school and stuffs.

like how much i miss my girlies. and how much i wana meet them up for a mere dinner and a heart-to-heart talk. It's been like 2 months or so since i've last saw them. and seriously. i missed everyone of them. esp carol. There are many a times i wana call her up, andtell her. wat's been goin on with me and stuffs. like her share my happiness. but i backed out the very last minute. Reason, i dun know wat should i say. and this silly mouth of mine gets things heated up real fast. And this time round. I'm at fault for doubtin. Till i had found a sensible way of expressin. wellz. till then like i've said. rest assured pple. i promise it would be. soon.

like how i really wana to sit in Bali's House over in Le Meridien, in wee hours of the mornin, sippin my all-time-favourite hazelnut latte, with Bryan and his expensive car, over the cigarettes, admirin their cafe's design, their priceless tranquility, their wonderful greenery, and romantic candlelights. That makes my night worthwhile.

like how i like makin the 3-layered latte for myself over at my workplace every mornin. Pourin the packet of sugar into the hot latte, and take pleasure at the sight of the "sugar explosion" immediately after the sugar sunk into the bottom abyss of the coffee mixture. The "explosion" is just a sheer 5seconds, yet it makes the latte so different.

like how i relish in drinkin Ciders (StrongBow). Admirin the bubbles in the translucent pintmug. In complete silent, and full attention. It may seems silly doesnt it. But aint it a spectular sight. Of the never-endin bubbles findin their way to the brink of the beer? Aint it amazin. The bubbles are so minute in the comparsion beer tat it fails to get noticed, and gradually became ignored.

like how i like. starin into something unknowingly. either let my mind run, and think about anythin and everythin. or maybe. not thinkin at all. allow it to be engrossed in watever thoughts that came and stopped by. allows it to lose itself. in the endless nerves and braincells. or maybe. allow it to even take a break. but come. ask me wat the hell am i thinkin abt. i'm not sure either. i just let this impressive brain of mine works. i'm just lost in the complete silence. i'm lost in translation.

like how i really like strollin along the peaceful streets of the always-human-packed streets of town in the night. with the street lamps surroundin the atmosphere. with the absence of the daily traffic. with the sight of the buildin lights. and with the phyiscal Him just beside. Not talkin oftenly. Not thinkin of anythin. just merely strollin along each other. enjoyin the company. hand in hand. with that smile on your face.

Say, Yesterday was the birth of the nation 40 years ago. Yesterday was the common birthdate of all Singaporeans. Yesterday was a rest day from work, a public holiday. Yesterday was the sight of beautiful, expensive, once in a year fireworks.

Yesterday was also a memorable date. Yesterday was in fact significant. Indeed, Yesterday had made me smile. And i still remember it. :)

2005-07-15T03:48:00.000+08:00

i cant wait to go bangkok. 28th july. please arrive.

2005-07-14T04:53:00.000+08:00

in the graveyard hours.

a thought came by.

period.

2005-07-05T02:40:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wish i can forget abt everythin.
just being able to escape from the feelin within.

sometimes i wish i could cast everythin aside.
erase all my memories and start all over again.

sometimes i wish i could dig a hole and hide.
bury myself deep down where no one shall seek.

sometimes i wish i could disappear from the world.
to a hidden solitary tat's it.

sometimes i wish things aint complicated.
all humans are plainly simple beings.

sometimes i wish love is all around.
and happiness will fill up this lonely surrounds.

sometimes i wish someone can be there somewhere.
mainly gimme a hug and let me rest in the arms.

sometimes i wish i could sense pple holdin my hand.
tellin me they will be there.

sometimes i wish i could hear pple sayin.
everythin will be alrite this time round.

sometimes i wish i could cry out loud.
lend me their shoulders without any doubt.

sometimes i wish others would believe.
silently understand yet strongly stand with me.

sometimes i wish i could take wat every shit tat's around.
be strong be firm be versatile to the surrounds.

sometimes i wish i could hold on.
take all things in my strides so on.

sometimes i wish i could be.
just exactly wat they said in the testimonials.

sometimes i wish things would remain.
just the same way it is 10years ago again.

sometimes i wish time would allow.
me to go to the past to do the wrong things right this time round.

sometimes i wish.
i am just. a simple minded little kid growin up.

i wish too much. sometimes...

2005-07-04T02:23:00.000+08:00

i wish i could twirl around.

in a shimmerin field of sunflowers.

2005-06-27T03:33:00.000+08:00

FOUR first-times in just a night.
FIVE hours to be exact.

woah.

eh. wat you guys thinkin abt.

i mean.
eskibar.
club momo.
out with marcus.
and phenomenal boy night.

hah.

2005-06-25T18:57:00.000+08:00

One Year Ago.

an enjoyable HK trip.
my one day MIA stunts.
rough pacts. silly arguments.
sufferin of a knee infection.
the end of a "perfect" relationship.
the start of a "rebound" relationship.
the excitment of bloggin each time.
weekly movies with the girls.
blown away by "the day aft tmr".
most are muggin over tests and exams.
school gave a familar scent.
no jobs. no money. plentiful of time everybody.
totally relaxed lifestyle.

One Year Later.

a planned BBK trip.
inhalation of countless genting air.
a virginal star cruise experience.
love-myself singlehood.
social butterflyin trainin.
the thought of hiabus came by.
anxious abt graduation.
surroundin become strange.
course people have graduated.
started worryin abt my future.
concernin abt my health problems.
noglastic with the past memories.
missin the whole 6 girls outing.

Those were the days.
Reminiscences is only the way.

2005-06-24T02:57:00.000+08:00

Isnt it nice to hear someone sayin "I Need You"?

and i mean. needin emotionally.

2005-06-15T04:04:00.000+08:00

Ahem.

Junnan complained tat i gave him disappointment due to my inactiveness in updatin.

So, this entry is for you. Hah.

Booo.

Pss. Typin in progress. LA.

2005-05-10T23:39:00.000+08:00

Well. Sorry pple.

I know i've been MIA for a period of time, and i've not been updatin my blog constantly. Castin it to a state of neglience. ahem. No special reason or watsoever to it. But it's just tat, I've been so busy enjoyin my days, goin on with short getaway trips, tat i absoultely have no "free-and-do-not-disturb-me" moments to ponder about provokin random thoughts, tat are fit to blog about.

Ok, kiddin. Enjoyin my days. Yea. Indeed, i am. To a certain extend tat, i'm too lazy to blog about everythin tat is happening recently, as i'm havin so much fun. That's the pure enjoyment. And sometimes. I do feel it's a torture to make my readers go through things like: "woohoo, i just got back from kl, stayed for 3days2nights, and guess wat, i bought alot of things, everythin was so cheap, only spent... and so on.." Therefore, in a attempt to cut long story short. I intend not to blog about everythin, and anythin at all.

And of course, droppin by occasionally to check if my url of this blog is still available. I did. But somehow or rather, most of my readers like to remain anonymous. So, well then, i left quietly too. Never mind tat. The point is. I din have the intention to disregard my blog. Just tat, i'm havin a no-pay-leave. [aint tat sounds nicer than lazy to blog?] Haa. Do bear with me for another 2weeks or so, will you guys? Will be still away for sometime. As i would be out of the country mostly for these two weeks to come.

If you were to ask where the hell am i headin to this time. I would say, Nothin memorable. I'm just goin over to Humble Gentin [again] with cl & david. Might be headin for Thailand nxt week with mom. And will be gone for a little cruisin nxt nxt wed with the clk organisation. So meanwhile. Please do make use with this explainational entry. I promise i will come back solid entries when my school reopens.

Do enjoy ur everyday too. :)

2005-05-02T04:38:00.000+08:00

Dad: What's ur father doing?
Boy: He drives bus 1.
Dad: Oh, so who's driving bus 2?
Boy: Nono, he drive bus 10.
Dad: You mean he drives 10 buses?
Boy: Nono, he drive bus number 10.
Dad: So, what do you call someone who' drives a bus? A Bus..?
Boy: Driver.
Dad: Ok, so what is you mother doing?
Boy: She no work 1.
Dad: 1 day not working, how about the rest of the 6 days?
Boy: Nono, she everyday never work 1.
Dad: In this case, your mum is a House..?
Boy: [*Shrugged] Duno.
Dad: A Housewife.
Boy: Oh ya, housewife.
Dad: Your Dad drives a bus, so you call him a..?
Boy: Bus Driver.
Dad: Good. Now, what do you call someone who catches fish?
Boy: [*After 5 mins, where Dad came back from the toilet] A Fisherman.
Dad: Ok, what do you call someone who sells fish?
Boy: A Fish Seller.
Dad: [*mockly impressed] A Fish Seller. How about someone who cooks fish?
Boy: A Fish Cooker.
Dad: So, if you mother cooks rice, what would you call someone who cooks rice?
Boy: A Rice Cooker.

I nearly pengz. Esp, when you know this is the excat conversation goin on with Dad, and a Primary 5 kid. Well. So much for Speak Chinese Campaign.

Btw, on the note of Mothers' Day is fast approachin, most of recent newspapers are coverin how extraordinary some mothers are. And, if you had watched the news earlier at 10pm, on channelU, you would have seen the interview of a Chinese 38year-old Singapore PR lady named He CuiXian, who managed to have 7children in just 7years. The eldest is a 9years-old daughter, and the youngest is the 1year-old twin sons. In between, there are a triplet, and another kid daughter. Not only she had appeared in the news, I had read the interview they had with her, on the Chinese newspaper on Saturday. What was so specially incredible about this particular lady was her ability to "factorily-produce", but yet, still maintain her 25inch waist, and her constant weight of 50kg.

However, if you were askin me, what makes this particular lady to go against all female-mentality odds, and give 7childrens in a short time interval of just 7years? Well, let's put the female-mentality of, "I scared canot get back my figure, i scare stretch marks, the scar very ugly, blah blah blah". The total cost of raisin a kid is not even economically affordable. Speakin of the education, insurance, the coverage plan, medical fees. All these would adds up to an enormous sum of money. Wat's worse would be, "when-the-kids-arrive-at-the-same-time". Imagine, if you had a triplet, ok great, a blessin from God, not everyone gets this chance. But if it really a blessin, in all things, be it clothes, books, milk bottles, baby prams, you're required to buy 3sets straight at once, no more passin down to cut cost. So question, are kids really that undoubting adorable enough to go through all these? Yes, of course, a whole new perspectives of life approaches at the birth of you new born. Like I always believe, kids make a family complete. But 7? Crazy.

Well, back to the point. I guess, the amazement doesnt stop here, at the number of children she had. Neither would it stop at her capability to lose her post-natal weight so damn fast. Neither stoppin at her chances to produce rarity of twins and triplets. Nor, at her entry to the semi-finals of "Piao Liao Ma Ma", despite there are tons of prettier and younger mums around.

Her amazements would include. The big laundry bag she brings back to her home in Malaysia, for her mother-in-law to wash every fortnight. The courage she had to move everyone, all her kids to Singapore, leavin her poor mother-in-law alone in the little village. The disappearin acts on all major occasions, eg, Grandma's birthday, ChingMing, except Chinese New Years. The move of bringin 10 kids [in addition of her elder brothers' children] to Grandma house to Bai Nian, in just only 1 pathetic Proton Saga. And finally. The courtesy of givin a RM2 Ang Bao.

Yes. She's a relative.

2005-04-30T06:08:00.000+08:00

Before i left for Malaysia for the weekends, i just wana state tat...

i had a really enjoyable 21st birthday. photos later. please wait. now, bye!

2005-04-25T07:27:00.000+08:00

I wana to blog on my recent thens and thens, but i just duno where to start. There's just so much things goin on recently. From WeekendsClubbin, Gettin Tipsy, BarChorMees, Pre-Birthday Celebrations, Suppers with the Organisation, Mahjongs, Dinners with Post-Srsians, Ktvs, right to Explorin the RoadBends. Tell me please, where can I start? Therefore, to save me from the trouble of writin a whole chunk of bimbotic entry, and to save yourself from the pain of readin a totally irrelavant blog. Here's it...

Say, dont I just love all the people around me? My crews, my polymates, my partner-in-crime, my girls, my organsation, my clubbin khakis, and the "old-skool" friends. Yea, I do. For You guys make my life completed. Loved. And much much much more endearin. Completely appreciative of you. All of you.

2005-04-21T04:37:00.000+08:00

qian's latest addiction.

i never know this girl of mine can draw so well.
wahahaa.

2005-04-20T04:02:00.000+08:00

Ask me.
Wat is special around here?

It has.

my rants.

my thoughts.

my links.

my memories.

and my photos.

And the latest pictorials of the recaps.

finally. a photo. after 8years.

glamour. unfolds.

this is when they says, friends forever.

the new member of club 21. and the yet to be members.

In additional.

It does not owe anymore debts.

Presenting....

The long overdue Genting Trip pictures

the start. with. my drunken look.

and her big white foot.

this is how long the cable car queue is.

the heirarchy level of the gamblers.

300miles. just for a kfc.

or. better still. sam-can-eat-kenny-roger. how great.

the sacred room number.

the roomates.

the view from the hotel room.

this is called. fresh air. FRESH.

fallen angels. and.got stuck on a highland.

or rather. fallen spiders. i should say.

ahem. now off we goooooo.

call me a kid. once again.

off. on a silly ride. to space.

catch in the act. the rendezvous.

come on. hitch my ride. if you care.

be dangled. danglin. on a string.

now at attention! to me. the photographer.

well. call me vulerable. no more.

club highly. in a HIGHland.

after a day of fun. we needa a night of food.

the hotel lobby. with the thai-eaters.

the tough fight. now u know y.
an elephant is afraid of a mouse.

ahem. facts are not always right huh.

this is wat you get. when you lose big two.
have a darlie facial.

get to kiss the touchable wall.

be mummified.

get lectures on iso14000. save the environment.

Right.
More. in my photo album.
and.
I should have said it earlier.

2005-04-17T20:12:00.000+08:00

Gimme a Hug. And says, Everythin gonna be alright.

2005-04-13T21:18:00.000+08:00

Right. Wellz. Hi. and. I think I should write somethin. Here. Somethin regardin wat's happenin in my life recently. Somethin which is extraordinary. But extraordinary things? Cant think of any right now. In fact. My entire mind had been completely blank since i've woken up this afternoon. So pls kindly, forgive me for this "non-thought provokin-random-thoughts" but bimbotic entry of mine.

Maybe instead. Just for the sake of bloggin. I should write the non-practical things i've been up to recently. In the past few days. The Non-practical, non-extraordinary, non-sense things.

Like?:
How I had a wild night out with my girlies in Devils Bar on the Saturday? How I had gotten so drunk, yet managed to board the mornin bus to Gentin while havin a serious hangover? How I've looked so damn drunkenly ugly? How I locked myself in the toilet for a homogonous time? How I had no energy to even walk. Tat my guyfriends needa carry down the flight of stairs in Devils Bar? How I did a slight bartop and poledance then? How nonsensely am I throughout the whole trip home, tat Kelvin needa stop in the middle of the road, cause I kept screamin tat I needa throw up the bitter alcohol? How I managed to frighten everyone to their wits tat night? Or how they had now witnessed somethin new, after all the countless times they clubbed with me?

Or maybe. How Mr Kelvin basically pulled me to Golden Mile, straight after pickin me up in my drunken state? How I made the course ppl worried about me at the Custom, for, they are concerned that, my drunken state made me looked so much like a drug addict. How I managed to pass the checkpoint? And was knocked out the whole trip to the foot of Genting Highlands? How disappointing the ThemePark is, with the main attraction of the SpaceShot Plunge closed? How we punished each other with disgustin "own-made mocktails" while havin our Thai Buffet? How I cant get into the casino, when almost all the group had sneaked in? How we came up with silly forfeits for the main loser. While playin Big Two? How many times we sat on the RollerCoaster, just to perfect our pictures? How we scare ourselves and others in the Haunted House? How we got most of our expenses discounted? How we "Bumper" each other on the Bumper Cars, re-queuing one too many times? And How we still managed to go clubbin while in Genting?

Watever it is. I had fun. So so so much fun. I had thoroughly enjoyed myself in these past few days. It may be jsut a simple, insignificant, nearby Genting Trip with the coursemates, or the completely wickedly wild "you-looked-so-fuckinly-ugly-tat-you-really-deserved-a-great-scoldin" nightout. It's the getaway short moment I had, that I'm seriously talkin about. The short getaway from everythin. Away from this humid air here. Away from the People around me. Away from cruel reality. Away from things which I dun wana think about. Aint I playin escapism then. Well, it aint a bad thing afterall. Playin escapism is somethin I liked. Being MIA from everythin aint a bad thing. It might be just merely simplely "enjoyin-the-wakin-up-to-fresh-air" moment, or "enjoyin-the-polluted-air-with-rymthic-tunes". Either ways, Sometimes. I wished I could. Just. Heck about everythin. I just wana be a kid. Have fun. And never grow up. Speaking about more responsibilities. More freedom. Gettin older. These were the times. The only times. When I could say, Fuck you. And be care-less about everythin else. For that particular moment.

Now. Regardin that Saturday. Seriously, I've forgotten how many cups of Vodka Blackcurrant I had cheers with the people around me. How many cups of Martell mixture I had been offered. How many times I had lost in that Five-Ten game. But only one thing I Remembered. I must have caused so much unnecessary anxiety. Tat I needa make countless of apologies for the trouble, explanations tat I’m not out of love or watever, and thanks for their attention on Saturday. The minute I came back to the boundary of Singapore. The minute. I knew i cant afford to be care-less any longer.

Aint people strange. Remember when you're about 13years old, or 15years old. There were countless of times you sincerely wished you were much older. At least of a legal age, where people would treat you differently. Would start to listen to ur smooth-talkin way of stating the rights, instead of being stereotyped as the stage of rebel in watever you do/say. Aint people strange. Remember there are countless of time when you wished you have more freedom to control you life, and not be manipulated in watever you do. At least the so-called adults trusted that you could jolly well handle your life, and take watever comes in your way in your own strides. Wellz, i used to have that thinking in the past. I wana grow up. So much.

But however, Now. The approachin-Freedom-21st-me-in-just-less-than-20-days is dreadin it. I knew wat they would write on the Birthday cards. Things like, more responsibilities would come in, as now you are an adult; Reality is jsut somethin you needa face, hard and smart; and so on. I knew because i've written it before. It may be just another day. Just a annually event. But it's another chapter of a new beginning. It would bring you to higher heights of life. Then, I would be given more rights. I would get my ERS, get to vote, get to nominate, get to have a legal say, and all. With all these privileges, wat awaits me now? Seriously, i have an absolute clue. A definite answer. Merely talkin about what you intend to do is a complete different thing, tat's wat i feel. Cause in the end, Singaporeans would just be succumbed into the Singapore way of life. Be-educated-Work-for-a-family-Work-to-support-the-family-Work-to-ensure-you-still-can-have-a-family. In short. Work to be buried. Regardless how high-earnin the job is. The bottom line. You have a whole life to be workin for. So, why are some people still anxiously. Needin a part-time job? Workin their Asses off? Hmmm. Irony huh. This is Life. Sad to say.

2005-04-08T01:27:00.000+08:00

If a picture says a thousand words. Then, i shall have 2thousand of them here.

BZE's Dinner&Dance 2005.

Meetup with the choosen family.

2005-04-06T15:14:00.000+08:00

Condemn. Is defined as. To pronounce judgment against. To express strong disapproval of.

Ping says. It's too strong a word. Nan says. He believes wat he sees. They say. Everyone was shootin at them, with words that inflicted hurt. I said silently. I regretted.

I started to ask myself. Am I really contented. Throughout the 3years of Poly life. Sadly No. Wat did i really gained in return. A dip, plus tons of "i-shouldnt" feelings. There are remorseful feelings towards those involved. There are things that I cant forget. There are scenes, which I started to visualize the whole incident. There are surprises behind the whole truth. There are moments I wished I had a better way of handling things. There are times where I felt all these shouldnt be happenin, if I would just not be so self-opinionated. There are many times, things would have been much better. I guess.

They say, It's ok, just let it be, it's in the past, you've changed. Yes, I've learned. The hard way. I started to change, to be accepted, for the better. But however, many a times, I doubt things just aint wat we sees. The surface friendliness is just for an act. Still, the distant me, cant really comprehend wat's are they really thinkin about.

But still. I'm just grateful. For I've found. People like Ping and Nan, who stood by me. All these while.

2005-04-05T03:54:00.000+08:00

After much complaints and grumbling.
I've finally reached a new stage. A higher level.
Whereby. I no longer needa steal Nan's songlink. No more. No more.
(*evil laughter.)

Btw. I realised.
Too much of TongHua would make ones emotionally unstable.
At least it goes for me.
Flashes of the mtv come into my mind when the song is playin.
Provokes my thoughts. Disrupts the peaceful feel.
Overwhelmin it with the sadness.
And finally. Leavin me an unbalanced feel. Of an unknown cause.
But then again. Watever the outcome.
It's hell of an addictive song.

P.S: The song spinnin, is from the courtesy by Gene.

2005-04-03T21:08:00.000+08:00

oh. look! I just had my personal narcissistic blog. haa. thank you. thank you.

2005-04-02T16:48:00.000+08:00

Back from Chalet. Gosh.
Wat more can i say.

There may be some misunderstandings,
some black faces here and there,
some weird moments,
some "frightening" seconds.

But on top of that, there are endearing fun,
nightout suppers,
stomachachin pratas,
endless talks,
money-winning gamblin sessions,
get-together dinners,
swimmin in improper attire,
unexpected outcome visit to OCH,
free bbqs food,
and the main thing, buildin up the friendship.

Thank you peeps.
For all the hard work.
To make it a success.

I love u guys!

Introducing the E068 Goons:

(not in pic: ping, jamus, winson, hubai.)
(not in chalet: kel, ian, shan, leni, viva, suzi)

Activities in the chalet (click for larger images):

The "dai dee" slot.

Blackjack time.

Mahjong sessions.

Ktvin with style.

Limited Edition Xboxin

Class Dinner. Round 1 and 2.

BBQin at Aloha.

And plainly monkeyin around.

btw.
my dear girl is back from china.
and guess wat she bought for me?

haha. my malboro red from tianjin.
aint it so pretty. hrhurhur.

2005-03-26T03:23:00.000+08:00

Hmmm. let's see. Wat's in my life recently. nothin new in particular. Except the fact tat all my papers had ended. And I'm been enjoyin myself for the past 2days.

Yesterday: Went Ikea. Got myself a full-length stand up mirror for a mere price of only $48. Thks to the Ikea sales. Dirt-cheap I shall say. Next we end to Pasir Ris Park, and gave Jem a sandbath. Haha. More details at Jem's Blog.

Today: Did some reformation to my room. Includes a long long overdue spring-cleaning too. Can you imagine I haven did any "clearing-of-old-stuffs" in the Chinese New Year. The main reason of the impromptu cleanup is tat. I needa make some space for the mirror. So I might as well. You know. Give my room a new look then. And off to mahjong at Kel's place.

Watever. Just some mundane stuffs. Which I see no need to go into great details. Anyway. In this holiday season. There are so much upcomin events. Like E068's chalet, BZE's DnD, GentinTrip with the Course, Perth Trip with the girls, more trails, nightcyclin, mahjongs, coconut indulges, swimmin. I can go on forever man. The life of a free person. The fact that the jobless me, had nothin to do practically. Makes me excited.

Anyway, I just realized. I'm still. Very setback in my thinkin regardin should girls takin the initiative to start a relationship. I was talkin to my friend on MSN, and he was askin me these related relationship question. Like, when is the best time, and all. Den suddenly he asked, "Would you even think about taking the 1st initiative." Without much considerin, a straight "NO" comes into my mind. But havin givin a few seconds of thought, I would, but not to the face. And this would only happens if, I'm DARN sure and confident of the guy's response. Go on, and brag tat this is the 21st century, it's no big deal. Aint we fightin for equality of the sexes. Aint the society gettin more open-minded. Aint watever. Den let me ask you. So wat we are in the 21st century. We girls still do have our preserved rights, dont we deserve this tiny respect of havin a guy goin head over heels with us. I dun see why, the 21st century's girls should bow down, give up the well-deserved respect, and risked deemin as an easy prey. Wellz, at least not to me.

But in most cases, I would rather choose to be the passive party when it comes to this type of situation. I rather have the opportunity to decide on the significant answer. I would rather sit back, and "enjoy" the thrill. And leave the chasin part to the macho guys. Be it to impress, or to amuse. They have the privilege. So. They can have it.

But, For guys to do the chasing part. Is biblically stated. Remember, when God 1st created Adam, he took 1 rib out of him to create Eve. So that explains. Among the vast of the millions of people, Adam[Man] had to search for his rightful missin rib, to make his another half. So Eve[Women], would just wait around, for the Man to do the search, and like a juggle piece, that holds the completion to his puzzle. Tat's the women's rightful worth. Doesnt it seems right. Even the book of truth stated it. Hurhurhur.

Still. I find it difficult to approach. The most I would do. Send signals. Wellz, the eyes dun lied. Elaborate. I cant. Seriously. But dont you realise, e way you looked at someone who are interested in is just different. And this for real. Wellz, my reasons for being passive, when it comes to makin the 1st move. Reason 1: I dun see y i needa to, when there's plenty to choose from. Haha. Ok. Silly joke. Ok, God knows, what the guys would brag to his friends. They can say anythin. And i mean ANYTHIN to put me down, just to have a little boost on their self-esteem. God Knows, Wat the guys would say behind my back man. Just to make them seems so goddamn highly about themselves. Anythin. can come out of them. So why risk it. And who the one who suffers in the end, being portray as all sort of nonsense callings. You may say, "You think too much la", or "just dun be bothered lor". Wellz, yes, maybe i think too much, i can. And of course, i can Not be bothered about their immaturity. But den, i see no need to spark a rumour out of a peace. Things can be prevented, if. In the 1st place, it doesnt occur at all. My logic.

However. on the other hand. Even a guy would go all out for this particular girl, it doesnt mean it would be reciprocated. Seriously, being a long runner in the term of love, doesnt ensure you win the race in the end. Steppin in, chasin hard would results in a complete different conclusion. Sometimes, the whole chase would get backfires, leavin the girl suffocated. However, similarity, givin too much breathin space would results in circulation to square one. So in this case, wat now. Should or Should not. Go or go BACK. Is it worth it, my dear, is it worth it. People are just weird.

2005-03-22T06:45:00.000+08:00

Starting Point:
MacRitchie Reservior

Ending Point:
MacRitchie Reservior

Route:
MacRitchie Trail to Rifle Range Road to Bukit Timah Trail.
Detour Back From Dunearn Road to Adam Road To Lorine Road.

Total Distance Travelled:
At least 30kil or more.

Total Time Taken:
5hours minus restin time. (11pm to 430am)

The Goons:
Ping, Me, Jamus, Jem, Nan, Sky.

End Product:
A bowl of "goood" Lor Mee with 6 satisfied trekkers.

It's a real experience of life.
Havin walked the jungle trail in the middle of a night.
With the help of torchlights, handy nutrition bars, and bottles of water.
I seriously givin credits to Junnan. For lettin me hold on to his arm. All the while.
Haa. It calms me down. By Alot.

Now.
Wishes Fulfilled. All Current wishes.
Cycling done too. On a "bike-more-expensive-den-a-phathom". Haa.
With Free Dinner of Corochan. and Bento Curry. After a hard long ride.
Monopoly played. on a Collectable StarWars Edition.
Genting Trip Paid. With confirmation settled.
And Finally. Trekkin done too.

It makes me a happy girl.

Thanks to the "Saints".

How about. Again?

*winks

restroom breaks at ranger station.

at Rifle Ranger Road. with the satellites [not captured] behind us.

Bukit Timah Nature Reserve. Our Midpoint.

a very tired us. after walkin for 5hours

(booohoooo. I still hava study for MLS.)

2005-03-19T13:05:00.000+08:00

i always hated to bid farewell at the airport. and today is gonna-be one of those days.

expect lotsa tears. photos. and lots of best wishes.

anyway. baize&chinaone was such a relaxed place.

but i like forbidden city better. much more nicer.

pictures up soon.

when vivian's settle down in aussie, and sendin the pics over.

so. meanwhile. pls wait

this is a short one. as the interval is gettin longer.
and i just cant stand it. anymore.
so. now. bye. gonna head. to. the. airport.

p.s: i so wanted to go cycling.
please accompany me. anyone.

2005-03-16T17:34:00.000+08:00

people says. reap wat you sow. i agreed.

past memories came. like an old-long-distant friend.

who's the one who says time heals. tat's a lie.

and who's the other one who says time makes you forget. tat's another lie.

i always thought i'm in the wrong. wellz, i am.

but, it takes to hands to clap. indeed.

in a year. i can say. i've grown.

to somemore. much stronger and more people-sensitive.

i thought i've gotten over. over everythin tat had happened. till today.

i realised. i still hate the word pity.

i still cant erase that scene. tat voice. tat particular moment.

i did tried. but. sorry i cant.

i just. simply. still. hate the word pity.

i remember every single word i read on the icq history log.

i remember the daze at the 72 bustop.

i remember the long trip back home.

i remember how i cried. and hide in my room.

i remember how i refused to answer calls, refuse to reply sms.

i remember how i hide myself. into my solitary corner.

i remember that one month no-contact-period.

i start to remember everythin. everythin that had been thrown into the past.

apart from this. i recalled. how i let you go.

how much hurt i've initiated on you. the moment you discovered the truth.

the period after my HongKong trip. how despondent you were then.

i remembered caused i wrote it down. into my diary tat night. the two nights.

and silly me. took it out and read it all over again.

cause curiousity gotten the better of me.

yes it did. however no. it backfires.

the emotions is just too strong to bear. again.

all the memories started comin back. like a broken down projector.

like the tsumani came overwhelmin. past terrors strikes.

the tears are like waves. arrivin at no intervals. once more.

till today. i never know it affects so much. it hurts so much.

the guilt. the anger. and the disappointment.

ignorance is. indeed. blissful.

undisruptive tranquility is. indeed. beautiful.

unrecap reminiscence is. indeed. indescribly attractive.

y would anyone wana to know everythin. a women's intuition perhaps.

thus steppin over the boundary and get yourself hurt.

dun you argee. pple are strange aint they.

the more they know they cant. they more they wana.

and who they blame when hurts come. others but themselves.

now lookin back. as honest as i can be.

it was wrong for me to be unappreciative. but then again.

in the past. it states. it is.

now. i'm lookin forward. to where i was lookin before.

still friends. of course. and no doubt about it.

but not as close. this is for sure.

not because of wat had happend. between us. in the past

but it's because. i simply dun understand you at all now.

dear friend. things can never be the same again.

without trust. without mutual understandin. without you tellin me wat's wrong.

it's really difficult for us. for me especially.

other den jokes and general talks, we cant communicate at all.

know. when you see a person.

and there's nothin more to say den hi&bye.

then. that the time. to let this friend off. without any regrets.

but. no way. for you. no way.

know wat. i still love you. yes i do.

but this time. it's a complete different love.

it's friendship instead. this time round.

and promise me. as friends will.

nothin ever changes. in any way.

take care in camp meanwhile. see you on your next bookout day.

cheerios. my love.

2005-03-14T17:02:00.000+08:00

CUTE GUYS.

Liang, Kel, and I went Ktvin last night. Nothin memorable. Just another KTV night. We are goin through out usual pick of songs until, Liang decided to have somethin peculiar. He chose, Wilber Pan's Wo De Mai Ke Fong. [One disclaimer: His songs were never in the list each time. The top picks were always Sun Yanzi, Ah Mei, and those.] Upon seein the complete MTV for the 1st time, I partially went insanely gaga over him. His Dance moves, his Facial Expressions and all. I even made Liang re-sing that song, and get him to pick few of his songs, and made it priority. Things I did: I keep shoutin: "My God, He's So CUTE.", "Look at that, Look at his Moves.", "Ohhhh... Da Hen Ke Ai Lehz". Till to an extend, tat I was like a 14year old schoolgirl havin little crush over huge and famous singers. And of course, it got on their nerves. Too.

Okay, tat's not the point. The point is. Why am I fascinated about CUTE guys? CUTE CUTE CUTE? I always think tat being a Way-too-good-lookin boyfriend puts you into a dangerous position. The same prejudiced I had on guys who says honey-coated sweet nothings. Example here. They tend to be like fire, Strong and passionate for a short period. After which, tat's it. Tat's it. Wellz, aint in the total wrong either. I do agree they have the qualities to play their own game. Not totally their fault if another girl come along, and for that moment, he cant fight the tolerance level. No right or wrong, just dun get caught. Never mind that.But Y Cute guys. It's difficult to comprehend why. This wuold have this invisible aura around them which attracts me. And of course. My friends too. I tried askin my girls, wat type of guys you like? Handsome, muscular, or jsut merely Cute. And no almost 3/4 of them, answer Cute. But not tat buttonly cute to an extend tat he should be a girl instead. It's just tat. Cute Guys appeal more. Instead of those cool, handsome, havin-the-word-suave-written-all-over-his-head type.

Anyway, Cute. Is way, way too broad. To narrow it down, check out dictionary.com, and you'll get definitions like attractive especially by means of smallness or prettiness or quaintness. But however, accordin to Miss Cyn's [btw, tat's Yours Truly] definition, the spotless facial features, not-so-tanned complexion, geeky smile, and boyish looks, together with short and neat hairstyle. Ok, it all sums up to one word. Cute. To Me.

Ok, before I start blabbering about how attractively Cute Wilber Pan WeiBo is, and how perfectly he fits into my standards of cuteness, let's take a step across the line of gender. And of course, Guys would wana someone who looks decent. Ok, decent is too general. Tat type of decent tat is enough to bring home to his parents. Never mind if she's a slut in bed, but the main point is, she looks good, decent, and sweet enough for your parents to like her. Isnt it. Tell me. Who would choose sexbomb Anna Nicole Smith over demure Julia Roberts? An example too far away, okay. Try over sultry Britney Spears [no offences to Mrs Kevin Fans] over our sweet brunette Ashlee Simspon. Ignorin the celebrity status of course. And the point is, cute, demure, looks sweet-enough-to-give-you-diabetes ladies appeals more isnt it?

So isnt it the same. Perhaps talkin abt bringin the other party home is way to earlier. But it just sums up. Whether Cute, Demure, or watever. The bottom line is, we jsut wana someone attractive enough to look at. All the time. Who looks so appealin to be lookin forward to meetin him/her. Aint it? Nevertheless, it's just a lovely face, pumpkin-chip, or a sweetie-pie we are lookin for. And nothin more.

Wellz. Perhaps. Maybe Somethin more.
*winks.

2005-03-11T13:41:00.000+08:00

Wat makes Your Day?
Which starts at 730am and ends at 530am?

We Started out. Totally Unprepared.

Ok. Now. Let's take a serious Pic!

Stop irriatin me. And change ur Pose!

Now. I'm ignorin you.

My Manager, and his Cleaner.
Wahahaha.

My Manager and I.
MIA: Our Boss.

Me, the Secretary, with The Managin Ppl.

Candid. And we looked so Cute!
Ok. I mean ME.

My "9-years-later".
Happily Married.

"9-years-later" Husband.
With my Silly Pose.

Know what they says.
When you cant beat Rome. Join Them.

The Pettie Ring. And me.

Last LT. Photo.
As. It's Year 3. Last Sem.

I'm Supposed to look Nostalgia.
And not look like a Duck!

On the Way. To the Airport.

As Ping looks Sucidial. Depressed...

And Behavin Ilogical.

Which then. Scares Ring to a Shock.

At the Airport.
Xin. And Me.

Jem. With Me.

Wonderin. Y it Just Taste Better.

Still Figurin out the Answer.
Just. Wat makes it Better? The ICE?

No. Coz It's in the Airport!
Now you got your Answer.

It looks. Just as Nothin in Particular.
Just a Renault Kangroo.

But den, comes the,
Racing Queens for "Her".

Featuring: The FAKE driver.

And: It's Rightful Owner.

This Makes my Day.

2005-03-09T03:24:00.000+08:00

Ok. This is it.
I promised i would write a 1000words compo for our. Miss Hei.
So here's it.

1000words Compo.
(too hassle to chuck everythin here.)

i'd done it.
and it aint easy either.
so now you know i love u too.
please dun be jealous no more.

2005-03-06T16:24:00.000+08:00

There're so many times. That i wished you were here. Here in Singapore. It's been a couple weeks since you've left. I've tons and tons of things to say. To you. But you aint here. No choice you said. They sent you over. Indeed, happy, but somehow, i've felt that, i've lost somethin precious out of a sudden. And it's true. Someone important aint here physically any more. Rem that time when you suddenly told me u goin over, i said i have mixed feelings. Cause out of a sudden, i know my days gonna be dull. Without you.

Of course, there're others, other friends which i hold dear too. Whom i can mix around, and hang out with. But the emptiness in me, cant be replaced. It's nothin to be compared. But, although when you're back, i dun get to see you everyday. Due to our different schedule, and the different knock-off time. However, i know, when i needa a shoulder to cry, a hug to console, you will always be here. For me. I know, there's this special number i can call. However, now, when i dial the number, the stupid operator would be heard instead of your usual "Hello".

Nevertheless, somehow, all the things that i'm goin through, i needa get it done on my own. Set it straight myself. There's nothin you can help too, as we are in different schools and courses. There's nothin you can do to help. Except to offer words of encouragement. But, with you. I feel more relived. I feel safe and protected. Under your angelic wings. I feel at place. With ur endless naggings. Now, How i wished. I wished. That. You'll come back soon..

BooHoo. I miss my Best Friend!

(and i sounded so les.)
(fret not. we have no hormones disorders.)
(but. aint they callin this. the love. of sisterhood?)
wahahahahaha!

2005-03-02T21:30:00.000+08:00

When, This had been gone.... In a twinklin of the eye....

This Would follows.... At a speed just as fast....

Friday, 4th March
(Submission of Storyboard)

Tues, 8th March
(Procoi Quiz 2, BusImp Presentation)

Wed, 9th March
(Technical Presentation)

Thurs, 10th March
(CRM Presentation)

Fri, 11th March
(MLS Quiz)

Thurs, 17th March
(CRM Quiz)

Wed, 24th March
(MLS Exams)

After "Yesterday", of no-sins-play-whole-day day.
The hell is startin to feel pressurized.
Just 2 more weeks. And 1more papers.
I guess i'll needa more coconuts indulges, and KTVs nightouts.
More mahjongs, and movies breaks.
I needa more of "Yesterday".

Definition of "Yesterday": Lunch at Cartel, Teabreak at Gelare, Dinner at 85, Supper at West Coast Prata.
With appetizers tours at Changi Business Park, East Coast, West Coast, and Finally, Seletar Reservoirs.
Topped with Endless of Ghost Stories, Confessions, Gossips, and Purely Chattings.
Completed with a groups of fun poly mates.
And Best Served: Occasionally.
[*winks!]

2005-02-28T01:32:00.000+08:00

Vivian's leavin for aussie soon to futher her studies. On the 19th March 2005, saturday. I should be happy for her. Indeed, i'm. She finally is able to do what she likes. Biomedical.

But it's like, suddenly, I've mixed feelings. I Felt that we've grown up. And sad to say, we had. We are no longer the secondary schoolgirls that we used to be. We no longer have lunches together, crowdin over the curry puffs in the old school days. Everyone's havin their own ways in life now. Everyone's leadin a completely different path. Everyone's cravin for their own future.

Still. I missed the times when i'm young. When we are young. I missed the old school days. When we goes to school in our ugly green uniform. I missed the HongKong Trip. Where it brought so much memories. The old prata shop. The Serangoon's ghost story.

And I'll miss her loud voice callin me "Siao Char Bo". I'll miss Vivian's and Michael's arguments. I'll miss her non-stop extreme laughter. I'll miss chillin out with her, havin my coconut drinks. I'll miss her Mocha, her Herrick, and her stories abt how naughty her nephew is. I'll certainly miss this great friend of mine.

Melancholy. Reminiscence. Nostalgia.

We are indeed. Gettin older.

2005-02-26T07:32:00.000+08:00

GoodBye!, Copper Streaks.

Hello!, Reddish Black.

I regretted it. So much.
In just only a day.

2005-02-25T03:01:00.000+08:00

How many times would someone realised tat the "same colour, same model" car, isnt you friend until you tailgate him?

Silly Us.

Point to note next time:
If wana race with your friend, take a look at the car plate number 1st.
I pity that poor driver.
Hahaha

2005-02-22T03:22:00.000+08:00

Tell me.

Which "Nothin-to-do Person" goes Ktvin twice in a single day.

Thank You.

And I happened to be the above-mentioned.

2005-02-18T22:12:00.000+08:00

ALERT!

CAMWHORE DETECTED!!!

The Formal Class Photo.
(Pss, if you spotted anyone you like, I'm more den happy to be ur matchmaker.)

The Formally-Informal Class Photo

My Poly Girlies Part I

My Poly Girlies Part II

The Blues VS The Whites

Oh yeah. My Wedding Bells are ringin....
9years later.

The Slogan:
Where the EPS happens.

Aint the effect marvellous?
White On White.

Look!
How happy the excutives are, after they closin the deal.
With a plastic bag on hand.

This is wat they called.
A Dilemma.

Jacey and Pinger in the House.
Comin soon to cinema near you.

Introducin.....
The Dancing Queens.

May I Kiss you..?

Two Words. Act Cute.
I realised my nostrils are huge!

Oh My Love.
Miss Carol Lim.

Candid Shot.
And, it aint bad afterall.

The day, the place, the first-time,
Where are we aint offered a slice of cake while attendin a birthday party.

And, To end it off.... The narcissistic side of me.

Snap at the Greediness.

You are to ignored the messy background.
Pls focus on my face.

This Proves. How LOUSY Siemens phone is.
Talkin about "How do you measure style" ay.
Please. Kiss. My. Arse.

2005-02-16T01:14:00.000+08:00

Noticed I haven been seriously bloggin recently? Ok, not considerin those little teeny sentences with loads of paragraph. But bloggin as in, one whole chunk of thoughts that are, hmmmm, right for a place like this. Wat place, watever anyway. Reason why, either I've been very very busy collectin as much money as possible. Or I've been eatin too much pineapple tarts that the extra calories goes straight up to my brain.

And speakin of pineapple tarts. Tell me, who could finish a 40pieces container, in just 2days. Yours Truly. How Great. To the extend tat my respected dad had to hide the pineapple tarts secretly, statin, incase some pple wana come over to our house, and bai nian (Read: Cheat Ang Paos.), but thanks to me, we have nothing to serve them. Just give them the Angpaos and Shoo them away la. Duh! Humpf. Where am I? Ok. Whichever, the fact is. I'm not bloggin. Constantly.

So now. I'll blog. About love. Since it's the atmosphere of wherever is full of pink, love, bliss. People are walkin around, sellin flowers, looking for gifts, holdin huge flowers in their hands, walkin hand in hand, havin sweet I-love-you dedications over the media, hand over feet with each other, huggin on so tight that the blowin wind would torn them apart anytime, hookin up the arms so closely that some insane pple would force them apart. The spell of Valentines. Tell me. What's is the whole damn fuss about the stupid Cupid man. Jealous, i'm absolutely not. Mind you. I've spent my previous two Valentines playin mahjong with my then-significant half, and his single friends of course. And this year, i've spent my Valentines sittin around in Orchard, with my dear Miss Carol, smokin our cigarettes, watchin the passerbys, gigglin at couples who are overdressed for the occasion, sniggerin at girls who looked like they-had-just-stepped-out-of-a-ballroom-but-actually-they-just-stepped-out-of-the-mrt-station (the dressin was really too exaggeratin!), laughin at girls with bouquets of flowers so huge that it covered her entire face. Mean. But oh well, it just happens once in a while. So...

Never mind, since we are talkin about love, den let's talk about love. Love in my own perspectives. I remembered vividly once, when i was watchin this chinese show called The 8 Pawnshop, by Alex Toh. He said, or rather, the boss of the Pawnshop said, there're 3 essential things in a person life. Other then the Scienfic Proven Air, Water and Food la. They're Kinship, Friendship, and Relationship. As in Qin Qing, You Qing, and Ai Qing. Wellz, in my own opionions, i definitely, without any seconds thought, agreed with the two former. But Relationship?! It got me thinkin, Relationship. And i realised i got stuck in sayin Yes to it.

On priority wise, unquestionably not on my top list. On comparisons of the significance, certainly incomparable with the two former, which is Kinship, and Friendship. Relationship would just like tat, and goes off, just as fast. Wat for, go on pinnin your hopes. I dun. If it's gone. Den be it. I survive. I still can rely on my most intimate family members, and my group of girls. The fact is, to me, it aint important to even begin with. Perhaps, it's probably like wat they says. I just haven meet my Mr Right yet. Things will come in different, when the Right man comes along. My mindset, my thinkin, my feelings, my perspectives towards love, my rankin of significance would change as he become a part of me. I would start to realise the importantness of love, the fruits and the labours, the sacrifice, the power, the amazement, and the blindness.

But serious, do I really think that there's a Mr Right hidden somewhere in the midst of the crowd? Do I really needa go out there search, find it, and be happily ever? Do I really needa kiss a few frogs behind i got my prince. I doubt so. To me, from my previous experience, It's just a matter of infatuation. A sudden feeling of strong love, but often not lastin. Things would change when i suddenly wake up from the silly admiration, and set back into another state of reality. I realised there's no love. And that's it. The End. Of the togetherness. Tat's the problem. You can love wholeheartly. But wat would you get in return. Wet Pillows, Broken Hopes and Dehydrated Tears. I used to do tat. Cry silently like a werewolf . Till I played my own avoidance from commitment. Disappearin acts from things which bring the relationship to a higher level, remain stagnant at any point. I dun see wat's wrong with it. It doesnt mean I'm not serious when I go into a Relationship, it just meant, I'm not committed enough to rely entirely on the partner.

Right now, to me, i know when I fall, i fall into the warm embrace of Kinship, and Friendship. Maybe, there's no "The Significance One" silently concerned, and thinkin of me, but there's a whole bunch of pple who truely cares for me. Relationship is an important factor? Yes. But not to me.

2005-02-11T04:49:00.000+08:00

In This Chinese New Year....
I've Been glupin Tiger down for 4nights continously.

I'm Really not amazed,
if one day,
i were to wake up,
and realised i'm about to....

GO INTO LABOUR.

Cause of it?

Not Some Shotgun Pregancy.
From after-drink insanity.

BUT,
But The Makin of the Beer Belly.
From the results of the "jiu-gui" Me.

Well, anyway....
HAPPY CNY.

Bottom Line:
TRY UR BEST.
TO COLLECT MORE MONEY.

A Tribute to the Past Memories. A Statement to the Future.

2005-02-04T16:44:00.000+08:00

It seems so yesterday that we had just met. It seems only recently that we had just graduated. It seems not long ago tat we had just celebrated our Sweet16th, our Legal18th, and the dreaded Big20th. It seems so near tat we went to different schools. Now, suddenly, it's Freedom21st.

7years down the road. We had came together, became as one group, remained in each other's hearts, tested the frienship, endure the "different-schools" challenge, cried over silly arguments we had previously, made up eventually, became stronger afterwhich, held on tight to prevent each other from fallin, and silently being there for each other.

Gone, were the days of our juvenile. Gone, were the days of our naive teens. Gone, were the days of our childish mindsets. Gone, were the days of "i-wana-grow-up" mentality. Gone, were the days of our immature thinkings. Gone, were the days of our absurb Boy-Girl relationship. Gone, were the days of our clear, pimpleless skin. Gone, were the days of our porcelain complexion. Gone, were the days of our green uniform, and hated-teacher-periods. Gone, were the silly days of our truancy, and skippin of tat particular period. Gone, where the days of on the verge of being late. Gone, where the days of "OUTDOOR" bags. Gone, where the days of the pink farecard. Gone, were the days of teachers-lookin-down at us. Gone, were the days of our silly girls problems. Gone, were the days of crying our hearts out for some jerks. Gone, where the days of the mugging over the major Os. And of course, gone, were the days of our baby fats.

But wat remains. Forever are the days of our lives. Things that are gone can never be retrieve, days that are lost can never be gain, time that had past us by can never be recover. But in turn, I had memories. Memories tat made me smile at the thought of them. Memories that stays. Memories tat made my 7years, no regrets. The individuals characters of us, the periods where we gather suring recess, comin from our individual class, tat particular m&v argument over a "i-want-to-go-east-coast-cyclin", munching over curry puffs, the talks over at serangoon garden cartel, the silly bgr problems, the lazin around and buyin ice-cream over at vivian's house, the late-night smoking breaks with carol, the yearly Christmas feast, the Marina steamboat chills, the thrillin HK trip, the Shitties chalet, the sushi buffets with hei, going swimmin and gym with jas, and the "i-wana-to-fag" sudden meetups at our usual place. Much more much more.

I cant imagine wat would my life be without you girls. Probably, less frequent smokebreaks, less gaga over cream bistro, less bitchy session, and in turn, healthier, richer, and much more introvert. But still, I prefer it this way. And,

Happy Key-Shaped Year, Miss Jiaru.

Final Reminder: More Beers, More drinks, More cigarettes, and More Food.
Foodwise for Michael, the rest are mine!
Dun snatch hor!

2005-02-02T22:17:00.000+08:00

So, Which one better ar?

[click for larger images]

Dun be amazed.
Yes, I've nothin better to do.
Which sometimes i wonder,
Why am i so god-damn competent too!

Yikes. I should deserve a fuckin slap on my face. I have things to do.
Checklist follows. You'll be impressed.

Checklist:
Prepare for CRM test, due tml
Complete Procoi Lab 4, due tml
Compile BusImp Business Draft, due tml [tick]
Do Reflection for Career Portfolio, due tml

Deadly MP Judgin Day, fri
Research on Fundamentals of P chart, fri
Designin website for La_Velservices, asap
And check in for MISS JIARU's chalet, fri

Now, off i go.
3 more things to complete, before tml comes.
7 more things to complete, in exchange for a weekend of fun.
Sometimes, i really assume i'm Powerpuff girl.
Pushin everythin to the very very last minute.

Currently experiencin,
The real bitter taste of Procrastination.
Boo Hoo.

2005-01-30T03:57:00.000+08:00

In a new year, if you will be...

Attendin more than one Birthdays invitations,

Goin to more than one themed birthday party,

Invited to more than one Hardcore Bashes,

Goin to have for some wild party on beach,

Plannin to have at least once Partyin all night,

Eatin more than one catered buffet,

Goin to East coast/Pasir ris more den once,

Havin at least one count of gettin drunk,

Buyint more than one $100&above presents,

Givin out more than one present of diamond ring,

Eatin more than one Key-Shaped Cakes.

You know wat it means?

It would be your turn soon.

Welcome to Adulthood.

2005-01-28T22:35:00.000+08:00

2.4km = about 14mins
Shuttle = 11.06 secs
Sit-ups = 31
Standin Broad = 183cm
Sit and Reach = 41cm
Chin-up = 1

Equals Failed.
Damn.
[Cries in Shame]

2005-01-27T21:24:00.000+08:00

Shit. Guess wat pple. I'm havin my Napfa. Not tat i've been so enthu to sign up for it. It's a must for graduatin students in FAST at TP. Damn. Now, i'm havin second thought of withdrawin from it, by not turnin up at 730am tml. Damn again. It's been ages since i'd gone for a run. It's been ages since i've did any sit-ups. It's been ages since i've jumped the standin broadjump. And of course, hell long since i've done any sit-and-reach. Psst, i was on the list of top students, reachin of a whoppin 60cm, for girls. Fexible ya. Inclined flexarm, and the 2.4km rm was my personal all-time killer. Nope, every exercise that requires me to sweat like a pantin dog IS a killer. I hated TP for this.

Why is the damn Napfa complusory may i ask. Why is it so important that we've to participate in it. Why must be particpate in it? Why Why why? So tat the school can give excuses that students are usin the facilities, hence charge more?! Damn. First thing first, I'm not intendin to sign on. So no need for Napfa. I'm not keen on excersin to proof that i can acheive a Gold. So no need for Napfa. I'm even less interested in usin the school's facilities. So no need for Napfa. And now. Why do i still needa to take Napfa?

Thinkin back, i used to think, signin on with the army gives me great prospects. The usual reasons like, wah, goverment job lehz, hard steel ricebowl, no needa scare retrentment, and of coz, like wat they say, a clinch above the rest. It's the money part that interest me the most. Whereby, the school fees are being paid for, monthly allowance are given, and extra bouns if you had pass all ur modules. But the part of goin through 3months of BMT wakes me up totally. To reality. Money cant make the world go world, no, it can. But i dun wana be doin wat my bro is doin. [He's a regular, of a 10yrs bond.] I used to be amazed by women in green uniform. I'm still in awe of them now. It's a occupation to be saluted. And of course, it gives others a complete impression of you. Imagine, when ppl ask: "Hey, wat are you doin now?" And the reply is:"Ohh, i'm with the Army now, blah blah blah." Oooooh, impressive huh. But, after second thought, i knew wat i wana. Army was not for me. I wana to look Pretty. Smart. And Professional. Not Greeny. Sweaty. And Full of muscles.

Comin back. Napfa. Argh. Why dun you just kill me. Stupid Tp. Stupid Fast system. Stupid rules. Stupid reqiurement. Stupid is too shallow a word. Damn. But anyway, since everyone else is doin it, and they survived through it. It will be not a hurdle for me. No sweat. Except that i'll pant like a dog. Humpf.

Psst, I just thought of a sure way to pass, the deadly 2.4km run. Put a cat behind me. And i'll run. Like HELL.

2005-01-25T21:03:00.000+08:00

Guess wat. I just realised other than your IC, and Library card, the Ez-link (student) can be used to borrow books too! Boy, I never know of such things. Ok, called me a kuku. Never mind. At least i know now. Had just gone to Cheng San Library, as my silly sister needa a storybook for ur Stupid Book Review. And guess wat i've found?!! The book of: Street Names in Singapore. Hahaha. No more Ten Penis! [*winks*]

I was flippin through the book, and i decided on somethin. To scan the book out, and take it home. [Ya, of coz, return it back too, 3weeks later.] But, you'll be impressed by the stories on how certain roads got their names. Ok, not you maybe. People like me, who doesnt have a single clue on the history of Singapore. I shall start checkin Singapore up. And the basic, the Street names. Tat explains why the thick-orange-book is at my place now.

Some examples, Ngee Ann City was named after a Chinese burial ground owned by the Teochew Clan associated. the Ngee Ann Kongsi. Or the famous one, Gelyang, named after kilang, Malay for factory, from the coconuts and lemongrass proccessin factories in the area. Hougang, where i'm stayin, used to be the old Chinese name of Serangoon. And Tampines was indeed named after a tree, an iron-wood tree, tat had been long extinct! Fact Proven.

Amazed. Indeed, I am.

2005-01-24T15:52:00.000+08:00

Wat the hell? I am here again, when i'm supposed to be out somewhere, shoppin like crazy, havin fun like no-one's business, enjoyin the 1 week holidays, or maybe just muggin over the projects tat is due to be submitted after the holidays.. And why am i here? Why am i here? Why am i here? Hmmm, I duno. I cant comprehend. I cant explain why. The fact is: I'm still here. Fuck.

Simple. Reason, no-one's datin me out. Which i dun understand until i scroll my phonebook to look for the possible people available for a date with me. Ya, I playin my own datin game. With my friends of course. I discovered one cruel fact. Most of my them are given the sentence of Job-imprisonment. Or have the responsibility of fightin "the-land-we-are-born-in". Or havin rat chasin games in the Unis. Which makes me the only slacker in my friends. No jobs, no school, no income, no responsibilities, no plans for the day. Damn. Come think of it. I should be in school for some MP Juding Day Briefing, which i've no idea wat the hell is it. Never mind. I shall hide myself in the house, and give others the impression that i'm not free, coz i've too many appointments to attend. The truth is: I'm really busy. But the hidden understatement is: I'm really busy. with Sleepin.

Ahhh... Sleeping. A great way to lose weight. Facts: here, and here. No wonder they called it beauty sleep. Helps to minize the eyebags, helps in a more radiant expression, helps to clear off the deep cells, and now, helps to lose weight. The pros of sleep actually overwhelmed the cons, as I cant think of any possible reasons to forgo the precious sleepin time. So people, go on. Sleep more. Pss, I'm not askin you people to go sleep around! The sleepin as in the Sleepin. Where your body goes througha natural periodic state of rest for the mind and body, in which the eyes usually close and consciousness is completely or partially lost, so that there is a decrease in bodily movement and responsiveness to external stimuli. [Definition by dictionary.com]. And one more thing, i'm not adversitin their products, i'm just emphasisin on the fact that someone with sufficient sleep is more resistant to weight gain.

Never mind that. In case you are all ready to cast me into the category of bummers, slackers, and worthless jerks. Fyi, I'm productive while i'm awake too. So, labelled me not as a useless bimbo who spends her time tryin too hard to look like those supermodels. The most accomplised thing like done this weekend is: I've finished readin this book called: "Mosaic", about a mothers' struggle to recapture her live after her couilion husband took her kids away from her. Chey, nothin wat. Never mind. The fact that i actually walk in MPH, lingers 1hr to select a suitable book, and spent only 2days in readin the 412pages in fonts so small that i now have a 100%risk of being cock-eyed, impressed me. Yes, i impressed myself with this.

Book review, Alot on politcies on the 911 incident and how American Arabs are comdemmed, with impression that they are linked to the incident that shocked the world world. A personal struggle with a Gay son, and a husband who refused to accept the fact that his son is "not-straight". A juggle of givin up a successful career, to spend more time with her 2juveiles. Wat can i say more? A true tribute to women. All women in the world. Vulerable yet Strong. Resolute yet Sensitive. After readin the shits she went through, and how the husband felt remorseful in te end, makes me wanted salute to such lady.

Now, I wana immerse myself into the smell of more books, i'm going to Compass Point. The library! I figured, since I'm so impressed with myself, and top it up with the fact that i'm wearin my "make-me-look-like-a-teacher" specs now, thanks to the infected red eye. I shall do somethin that holds my image. I shall read more books to complimentary it. So Taaad!

[Psst, mike, i cant go on lookin like J.Lo everyday! Haha.]

2005-01-24T01:11:00.000+08:00

I love you, people. I do. I do.
To us. To Forever. To Friendship.
[*Cling.]

If some of you realised tat you're not in the pic.
You know wat it means by now,
I'm not goin to be specific.

Zi dong hor!
Take photos with me la!

2005-01-23T02:20:00.000+08:00

Hahaha. I almost died laughin earlier.

The thought of being togehter once, just gives me creeps. Dun ask me why. I'll just get a spine-chillin feelin tat feels me shiverin in digust. Tat's it. Disgust. How i jolly wish someone will just come along, and brainwashed me, leavin me with just selected, choosen memories. Which in this case, the whole period of time will not be included. That's for sure. Aint memories supposed to be joyful, makes you smile at the thought of it? Therefore, these eerie stuffs should be sucked out of my brain, stay forever in the vacumm, pollutin it with thoughts that's completely worthless. Damn. I cant believe i'm so heartless.

Wellz, it's over and done. And i greatly appreciate it. I'm lookin forward, I'm lookin straight ahead, and i can assured, I dun even miss the past, between us. Not the single bit. All i can say now is, No beans shall be spilled to anyone, anymore. Case Closed. Forever closed. And never ever shall it be reviewed. The last thing i wana have now is, to have anymore contacts. Best thing is, i even had plans to delete the number from my handphone , tat's after i've gotten back all my stuffs. Which is still left untouched, i supposed, at the place.

Since everythin is over, i shall reveal the truth. The things i've did, behind your back, in the so-called distant period. One, I asked my friends, all, to date me as much as possible on the weekends, to avoid spendin time togehter. Two, I purposely cast ur sms aside after readin it, coz i simply dun wana reply. Three, I refused to call you back, regardless on your free-incomin, coz i enjoyed lookin out of the serene scenary alone, compared to talkin to you on the phone. Ok, you can offically call me a BITCH now. Fyi, I dun go fillin myself up with emos, ok, i know this isnt wrong. It cant be helped. BUT it's completely wrong if you've lettin yourself immersin into it. Wellz, do somethin constructive and get out of it, for goodness sake. Being emo = actin pitiful = wants sympathy from others. You will get mine. Tat's for sure. But sympathy, is jsut somethin you would give to someone helpless, a complete waste of resource. Two, I am truthful, and i'm proud of it. Very Proud of it.

Shall nt be so specific. Think i've revealed more than enough. I shall stop to protect the identify of the used-to-be-significant-half. At least I DID spared a thought for the person involved. At least i DUN drive myself paranoid with things tat are totally untrue, and unfair. At least I have the decency to ASK, provided, if i still bothered abt the particular person involved. [by now, things should be very very obvious. unless you're a peabrain, you should know i'm talkin abt the particular you.] Which makes me feel so god-damn benelevont. Haha, and i just said everythin out. Oh, ammendaments, i've keep it within myself for like 2months, since the start of the problem, to the end of the relationship, to now. And since you're not even sparin a thought for me, typin entires which makes me sounds like a complete slut, i dun think i should keep you in considersation.

p.s: shoot me back, if this aint true. dun worry, i wont deleted the comments, either will i erase this entry. WON'T.

2005-01-22T01:08:00.000+08:00

I wonder wat's the sure way of losin weight? I still have another 5kgs to go. Or maybe more. Did i say, there's somethin wrong with my weighin machine. I can be weighin 50kg now, but after i've eaten JUST a slice of bread, i weigh 52kg. Ok, who will be so bo liao to go and weigh themselves after they have eaten just a slice of bread. Ok, i did. Which i duno why either. And, i just revealed an woman's greatest secret. My weight.

Never mind. Women, all in this case, no mather their width, slender, fat, skinny, can look into a mirror, and see themselves as fat old obasan with, the buttons of her blouse on the verge of bursting. Thing is, I'm no slender lady. Tat's the reason why i needa lose some kilos. Back to the point. How can i lose a freakin 5kg before the Chinese New Year? Exercise? Yeah rite. Who the hell tells me chucks of illogical theory that exercise helps to lose weight, blah blah blah. And ask me to jog 3 times a week, half hour each time, i'll ask that person oh-so-smart person to kiss my ass.

Firstly, Joggin trains muscle. And muscles weights much more than fats. Which, at the end of the day, has the reverse effects. And my goal is to lose weight, not gain mass. Not for me. Secondly, Joggin makes you pant like a thirsty dog, sweat like tapwater, and stinks like garbage. Torture yourself, but wat did will you get in the end? Big Fat Unsightly Budglin Calfs, Stinky Body, and Uncontrolled Sweaty Glands. Yucks.

Or? I can choose to invest in Xando or Extrim. Which requires no exercise, and i can have a slender figure, in just 4weeks. Accordin to the adverstiments tat's. But it's wat we called. Stupid. Let's keep this hush-hush, i've this girlfriend, who had tried this so-famous carbo-block product, who is endorsed by this so-famous actress. Yes, in the 1st month, she lost abt 3kgs. However, when she stop, the 3kgs came back all togehter again. I guess the product's company must have did a very goood job in their CRM, esp in the aspects of maintainin customers' [WEIGHT] in this case.

Or, i can choose to barge into the slimming centre, holding the newspaper cuttings of watever so promotions they are have, and let them urge me to sign up for this package, tat package, so at the end of the day, i can have my desired figure, with no suregy, no pills, no injections. Sounds familiar ar. Never mind, this is no option for me either.

The only way is: Sit one corner, cry and pray.

Hopefully, the intense cryin will increase the rate of metabolism.

Humpf!

2005-01-19T22:57:00.000+08:00

I'm a Happily-Poor Student!

2005-01-16T17:27:00.000+08:00

I felt lost, I felt outcast, I felt not at ease.

I stumbled, I lost the direction, I forgot the rules of my game.

I self-entertained, I walked around the resort, I fag whole day.

Wat actually happened, wat actually went wrong, wat actually didnt take place.

I can be very sure, it's impossible, i din fall in love, with you all over again.

I cant comprehend, I cant pinpoint, I cant think of a reason to explain.

I should have gone home, i shouldnt waited, i shouldnt be even there the very 1st place.

Just i went, rather early, but left rather late.

It's a birthday, a 21st birthday, where it should be a happy pharse.

But how come I feel funny, all the while, in a weird way.

I wondered. I agreed. I doubted myself.

Tat underneath my every smile, every laughter i've portrayed.

Am i really happy, leading this way.

I'm clueless, I'm stuck, in my hopeless thoughts.

I wandered, far away, and had lost the directions in my life.

I led day by day, night by night, just waiting to survive.

I needa retreat, i needa shelter, I needa to hide.

Into my solitary corner, where i no-one shall find.

Let the skeptical me be the boundary for others to see.

For away from this sitution, is where i really want to be...

As much as, I wanted to be somewhere where i'm all by myself,
But I wanted desperately a shoulder to cry, someone to hug silently,
Contridicting. Contridicting. Contridicting.

I duno why. I just feel really lousy.

I duno where. But, i'll get myself back.

Somehow. Somehow. Somehow.

Inside.myside.is.a.place.i.live.all.alone

But.next.to.that.place.there's.a.gap.waitin.for.someone.to.come.along

As.much.as.i.wanted.to.be.strong

I.guess.i.m.just.as.vulnerable.on.my.own

2005-01-14T23:58:00.000+08:00

I'm Insanely Worn Out.

To the-Mr-MIA: Thank you. VERY MUCH.

2005-01-12T23:58:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered how the different parts of Singapore gets their name? For example, Hougang, Sengkang, Simei, Serangoon? So many parts, they can think of so many names mehz? I know some roadnames are named after famous ppl. Some are obvious of coz, like East Coast. Orchard gets it's name cause it used to be an plantation before it's developed. But how about others? Like the famous Geylang? Or maybe Tew Yee, Khabti? Great great mystery huh. Maybe it's not a mystery. Juz tat I din bothered abt knowin the history of Singapore. Was it explained? Never mind, anyway, I still remembered my dad used to tell a story about the name of Tampines, to my Malaysian relatives.

Here goes: Once upon a time, a minister was thinkin of a name, WAIT! This is how Fairytales start. But this is not a fairytale, we use the Singaporean way. Lim Bei Ka Li Gong, Ta Bai [ok, i sucked in Hokkien] there was one minister, he was appointed to come up with a name for the little area in the east. So, with this great responsibility, he wanted it to have a special name. After few days of thinkin, he still does not have an idea of the name that they can call it home. Lookin for inspirations, he wandered along the streets, and came to a park. Feelin tired, he sat down to rest. He then saw a lady walkin along the park, suddenly, there are ten men appeared, and stands in her way. These ten men then flashed right at the lady. Of coz, the lady screamed. Shoutin: "Ten Penis, Ten Penis". Bingo! And the minister got a name for the little east side area.....

Now, What about the rest of Singapore?

2005-01-11T15:36:00.000+08:00

My keys, my keys, Where thou are you, my Keys?

Wat's the probability of losing your bunch of keys in YOUR OWN house? And pathetically, got stuck at home alone. The sad thing is, the only moment you can hear the familiar clinging sound of the keys is dinner time, when the whole family is back. Wat's the probability of getting trapped inside your own house not more then once? Each time feelin so fed-up that you can tear the house down, while waitin for the family members to come back so you can be let loose outside? Wat's the probability of not only stuck in your OWN house before, but in other people's house too? It was at Kel's house. But the funny thing is, the keys with not missing but, the lock was magically crooked, which we duno y aso, We had to knock the lock back into position, before the lock finally released itself. Resulting Your Highness being late for the then Public Speaking Class.

Wellz, The probability of these damn things would be much lower, much much much lower, than striking the damn nearly-impossible-to-strike 4D. 1 out of 9999, I'm still able to 'tio' this suay thing so many times. Now I wonder, why my numbers for 4Ds always din even come out at all, since i'm ever so goddamn lucky in a way. Not even the top 3 prizes, Consolation ma bo!

Frankly speakin, is it something's wrong with me, or with the house [regardless which one, refer to the top]. I might be unexpectionally pea-brain careless, but wat explains the incident in Kel's place too? I'm not the one who had the grave responsibility of keeping the keys wat! So careless is not excatly the word right, den waT?! In this case, if they are linked, The only reason I can think of is: I've this warm and lovin aura around me that touches the houses so much, resulting them wana keep me in, thus lockin me within their clutches, so they can experience my love. Ahhhh..... That explains! No wonder... *rolls my eyes in beam*

Never mind that, the weirdest thing is, I just went out an hour ago to have a fag. Then, the next minute, or shall I say, Hour, the damn key disappeared. Into the thin humid air! Which I wonder why aso. Playin hide-and-seek huh. I had to go and change back to my home-clothes [i'm already prepared to get my butt out of the house], wash my face, and start searchin for the littly-littly-throwin-a-unreasonable-temper key. Waste my time, waste my effort, waste my makeup, and waste my water [wash face wat!].

Great. Now, I cant go school to do testing for my Procoi project, while the rest of the group members is workin their asses off, I get risked being labeled as irresponsible. I cant go century sq to meet the guys for Seed of Chucky, while they gather in century square happily, I get risked being labeled as anti-social. I cant go get my Escada Perfume, while the rest of the people smells so sweet, I get risked being labeled as stinky. I cant go out and have a fag, which in this case, is no big deal anyway. But the thing is, I cant meet anyone everyone, and risks being labeled as 'dao' by anyone everyone. Ok, Damn Exaggerating. I know they arent tat mean. They are good people. They are my friends. And good girl gets good friends, yeah? Btw, the emphasis is: GOOD GIRL.

I give up..

When you have nothing to do,
No place to go,
Nothing to eat,
The best thing is to go to sleep!

So...... Taad!

2005-01-10T04:51:00.000+08:00

The Most Anticiapted Topic for most blogs currently would be the

"Ren Ci Charity Show".

Since most people, I strongly presumed, will gona talk about how poignant the show was, how Kym Ng endure the pressure of gravity, how Bryan Wong and Xie Shaoguang managed to do amazing stunts on the impressive WRX, how Rev MingYi stood at the peak of the metal bars for over one hour, and not forgettin, how Darren Lim and Edmund Chen touched us, by showin off their bisceps, doin 2000sit ups. [With the help of others too.] Anyway, since much highlights would be given to the Renci Charity Show, the humble me aint gonna blog about it.

When i've just blogged abt it. Haa!

2005-01-06T04:15:00.000+08:00

Since i've so much "love-myself" time, i came up with this...

[for larger view, click the pics]

I called it: Bits of me. [the cutout of Ashlee Simpson's Song]

2005-01-05T16:57:00.000+08:00

I just read all the previous posts that i've written in the past. The archives. From the very 1st post. I can still rem how i bugged yl to teach me abt postin pics on the blog, how i bug vivian abt the html codes, and how i complain abt how troublesome tyin all the codes when you wana change the colours so on. Ahhh, memories. The very first post of this blog starts on the 8th March 2004. And the very last post was obviously, 3rd Jan 2004. After 10months down the road. it's indeed amazing, the style of my writtin hasnt changed a bit. The only different is the length of the post. In the past, all the entries are magically short and bittersweet. But now, the entries seems to be longer. Perhaps, it's goin through the puberty stages where young childrens turn into adosecents and shoots up in the height suddenly. Never mind that, the only logical reason that i can think of is; the goin-to-be-21-year-old me had grown up, phyically [more curves!] and emtionally, thus more complains and displeasures with the ugly side of human nature.

Other than the length of the entries, the contents are so much different. In the past, the whole entry sums up to a word. BORED. Why? It's all abt relationship stuffs. And it's not wat ningz, or weiru's read-already-envy-only type of bliss, abt how loving the two couples are, and proven with endless of pictures abt their diabates sweetness. But it's the non-stop-on-goin of irriating complains i had abt the relationship. How bored i am in the relationship, how i dun wana to be tied down, and the list goes on. Makes me think how a fucked-up girlfriend i am in the past. All i have are complains abt The Boyfriend. And not a word of compliments at all. [Maybe i should add the Archives link in the blog template, and the ugly side of me, underneath this "pretty face" shall be reveal.] But then again, i assumed "Whoever reads the entries then, would want to give me a hard slap", because of how self-centered i was, i shall keep it discreet. But then again. Never mind. In the past. It saids.

Wellz, speakin of relationship, few days back, i was chattin with yl, in MSN, over my "de-attachment" recently. Not that recent actually, but the poor guy was just not updated enough. Anyway, he was certain that not after long, i will hook myself up with another guy. I disagreed. Strongly.

I asked myself. Do i really need tat someone? Do i really need that strong shoulder to lean on in the long boring bus rides home? Do i really need that tanned arms to rest my hand on? Do i really need the fingers to fill up the gaps between my fingers? Do i really need that particular number to dial to? Do i really need that special one to spend every weekends with? Do i really need someone to pay for the romantic-for-two dinner? Do i really need couple-seats movie tixs? Do i really need the little sweet surprises? Do i really need the heart-warmin embrace? Do i really need that sweet goodnight kiss? Do i really need the aching hand to sleep on in the night? Do i really need the familiar face to wake up to every mornin? Do i really need another family to have dinner with? Do i really needa have supper which a whole group of his clique? Do i needa listen to those honey-coated sweet nothings? Do i really needa to be tied by, cut short of the fun because of the particular special one? Do i need to edit my profile to "in a relationship" in friendster?! Yeah, of coz, I do.

But not now. I'm currently havin no obligation fun, plenty of freedom, lotsa time to myself, lotsa time for my friends, authority to plan my own schedule, to play the dating game, and nothin now would makes me give everythin up. Havin no1 to report to, havin no1 to bear in mind, havin no1 to consider abt the jealousy, havin no1 to give me reports, havin no1 askin my whereabouts [excludin dad], makes me a happy girl. The last thing i ever wanted is to lead myself to the commitment stage. Specifically, the last thing i wana is a relationship. Right now.

2005-01-03T17:47:00.000+08:00

Eye candies first, desserts in a monent's time..
The Mr Signaller havin his nights out...
And i'm gonna be late again! Taad!

2005-01-01T15:05:00.000+08:00

2004 had past us by,

With much misery, and pain,

leaving us with last memories,

That noone could erased.

When things are gettin out of hand,

With countless polities and shame,

Suddenly it came to a halt,

When Mother Nature couldnt bear it anymore.

Sweeping ferciously across the ASEAn,

The Tsunami had Striked us all,

Claimin over 100thousands precious lives,

It made us all seems so modest in Her eyes.

Rankin 4th worst diaster of the century,

The damage is more then anyone could imagine,

Even the survivors had escape the fatal ordeal,

They cant escape the lost of their houses.

With no roof over their heads,

And no totally dry place to stay,

They are left shiverin,

as the night came to take its place.

I started to realised,

tat all these time,

I'm indeed real fortunate,

And i shouldnt be takin things for granted.

As the rain here in Singapore is fallin,

The hearts are in all parts of the world are cryin,

So, Let's cast aside our nationality and start prayin,

For those people who are still missin.

2005 might not have a good start,

But, hopefully, as the year gradually passes by,

things would be pickin up, and all gladings would follow...

Happy New Year!

2004-12-29T01:18:00.000+08:00

Grandma's fine. Thanks everyone. But i'm really saddened by the bond among the family. Family Politics among the older generation, which i've no rights to interfere, let alone bitch about it. Wellz, they are certainly old enough to settle this on their own, clear the disputes over themselves. They have enough "mouths" over there to argue on the whois right and whois wrong, they are sensible to plan wat are they gonna do next, considerin the fact tat the youngest "kid" is already 45years old. .

The family [excludin the "invisible" bro whois always in camp] left for JB, Malaysia to settle the family politics regarding Grandma 2 days back. And why am I still here, bloggin away? School commitments, understood? Now I'm Home Alone. Havin 2 completed days with no restrictions, havin 2 complete days of pure enjoyment, havin 2 complete days with the authority to walk around the house naked, with the door closed of course, havin 2 complete day of not needin to curb the craving for a fag in the middle of the night, havin 2 complete days so far havin the illusion that I'm the Head of the House, which makes me Your Highness. Dun I think it's really fantastic? Initally, yes, but not now.

It's bad enough to take the god-damn freakin packed bus ALONE. It's bad enough havin to endure 1hr of bus ride from school ALONE. But it's even worse when you opened the wooden door of you house, there's a whole lot of chores greeting gleefully at the sight of you when all you wana to do is to collapse down on the familiar embrace of your bed. The pile of clothes lyin on the livin room's sofa waitin to be fold, the pile of stinky dishes in the sink waitin to be washed, the mountain full of rubbish to be thrown, the hair-flooded floor waitin to be swept, the dried-but-now-drenched-again clothes in the corrider waitin to "come-home-to-join-their-folks-in-the-livin-room-sofa", the pool of rainwater caused by an unclosed window (courtesy of Your Highness, me!) waitin to be soaked dry. On top of that, the hungry stomach which is groanin, waitin to be fed! Damn again. Sittin on a clothes-invaded sofa, layin my feet on the endless-streams-of-hair floor, havin a Boxing Day leftover Ham and slice of chocolate log cake, I happily settled in front of the television. These are those few moments I missed my mum when she's not around. Without her naggin.

So Dad, Mum, Sis, Please come home soon. I missed you. In additional, I do miss the gleamin silvery no-leftover-food sink, the sparklin house floor, the neatly arranged folded clothes, the nice-smellin washed clothes, the fresh air in the house, the heart-warmin atmosphere, the discussion over News, the noisy family chattin. MORE.

The verdict: I'm a lousy wife in the future. I hope i'll get a good husband. To be excat, A husband who is agreeable to do most of the chores. I dun mind washin the car in exchange though.

2004-12-26T03:54:00.000+08:00

Ahhhh.... CHRISTMAS... Wat does Christmas reminds you? The sacred birth of the Messiah, the divine scene of mircale, the celebrations of "no-sins" life, and the joyous time of blessing others with gifts. My Christmas this year was.... Really..... [cant find a descrptive word, i shall state the outline of the story]........

On the eve of Christmas: Rushed my TCS3 assignment in School, was stressed over last minute corrections, doesnt make a difference when you're in a group, and you ended up doin the whole freakin report alone, includin the rubbish abstracts, contents, etc. Concidentally, I was wearing a Green Top tat day, and Reggie was wearing a Red Top. Ring, Jun, Ping, Xin, Jialing, Annabelle were all in Black, imagine how CUTE we looked when the bunch of us were walkin toward Short Circuit for our Lunch! You know, Christmas, Red for Santa, Green for Elves, and the Blacks are the Carols singer. Followin tat evening, I had an this ridiculous argument with my girl [Doesnt it makes me sounds a les? Ok, my girl as in my usual clique of girls. Plural is Girls, Singular is Girl], over some trivial matters. Wellz, and it certainly doesnt help when the next minute your dad told you tat ut 90years old Grandma had fell in the backyard outside the house, and chouldnt get up after the fall. On the way home, being preoccupied with disappointment, fears and paranoid, i teard silently, but discreetly, in the backseat of the car. Not at a Tap-flowing rate of coz, i was holdin back most of them as i had my masacra on, and i dun wana to look like a freaking panda! Glad, we made up, without the kiss, and went ahead with the clubbin at Devils. Countdown, "Tah-ing" of Volka, Groovin, Dancin, was what continued at Devils.

On the 1st day of Christmas: The parents went to Malaysia to pay a visit to Grandma regarding her condition. [Ok, Dad was actually borned in Malaysia, but currently holding a pink IC, anyway, nvrm over matters, tat explains why Grandma is in Malaysia.] Learnt tat She had broken a bone into 3 pieces during her fall, couldnt walk, screams and teard in pain even when the part was being touched. Sent Grandma to the Specialist in JB, had an operation, condition now still unknown. Dad come home to rest, while Mum stayed there to "report" the news to us. Grandma was still in the Operating Theartre when Dad came home at 1130pm. Dad looked so fatigued when he came home, as he was explaining to us the situation, there was this grave tone in him tat made me so guilty tat i did have the cheek to shop for last minute Christmas presents instead..

On the 2nd day of Christmas: Dad's going over to visit Grandma again, hopefully, she will be out of danger by then. While I'm having a "self-made" Belated Christmas Feast with the Girls at my place.

Since it's Christmas, let's all be kind,
Please Bless my Grandma that she will be fine.
May the readers be witnesses,
Tat i made some promises,
To get the essential supplements,
To compensate for the lack of Calcium.

2004-12-22T13:58:00.000+08:00

It was just another lazy afternoon. It was just another mundane schoolday. It was just another "havin-dinner-together-before-goin-home" with the mates. It was just another simple dessert after a full KFC dinner. It was just another day.

Not when, our Miss Tiger decided that it was that particular day when she decided to "chong-chu-jiang-hu". Not when Miss Tiger and I hunted high and low, to swop slippers to shoes, simplay because we wanted to enter the lab, and mark our attendance. Not when we actually identified the answers to all of our PROCOI assignment. Not when our Miss Ridiculous suddenly craved for some durians after the dinner. Not when we bought a "3boxes for $10, 1box for $3" durians. Not when they started indulging in it....

Of coz, It's prefectly normal to have DURIANs as Desserts.

But......

...

...

Not To have it in FRONT OF a playground full of kids runnin around!

Or rather IN the playground! With the same kids.

2004-12-19T06:55:00.000+08:00

I've just read somethin the most ridiculous. Not only today. These past weeks. Somehow, it got me wonderin why some guys are so blinded by their egoistic pride. Duh, Men! Apologies to those offended, i din mean to be stereotypin. And i'm not. I mentioned SOME by the way. Back to point, this silly topic had been the debate of e centuries. Especially now, when women are increasinly becomin more and more ambitious.

I'll state the facts 1st. If i had read the bible correctly (and by the way, i'm not tat saat to read the whole thick book also), which they called it The Book of Truth. The Old Testament states tat, women are created from men. In which God took a rib from Adam and made Eve. Which brings us to today. And in the New Testament, it states that women SHALL SUBMIT to men. Inter-related. So does this explains why man has undeniable huge egos tat suppress that of a woman's? (Wellz, do correct me if i'm wrong.)

Ok, facts aside. How about testimontials? I remembered comin across an article reagrdin the income disparity between the men and his spouse. The question: "Would you be influenced by the income disparity, if you are drawin a lower income than your spouse?". Mind you, this silly question was posted to the men. Ok, the question is silly, coz i kina think of it, as i've forgetten word by word of the actual survey question. But the result is true. Post on a magazine somewhere. And wat did the "Respected" men says? 70% says Yes, even gave reasons like they would feel intimidated, insecure blah blah. The 30% who said No, gave cheesy answer. In the name of Love.

Ego. In traditional days, Women were the homely dogs. I dun mean to be demanin on Women. To insult Myself to. But why i would used Dog as a description, simply because Dogs are FAITHFUL. Back again, Women were homely Dogs, aka child-bearin machines, who patiently goes through hours of labour, JUST to ensure THE MEN's family line will not be discontiuned! In recent situations, yes, women can go out to work, but DIE DIE ASO CANOT earn more income den the men. 90% of high-end females end up as a spinister. Ego. So wat's the morale of the story? Either act dumb, or be left on the selves. Can try. But not strongly recommended though.

Anyway, enough abt men. Now abt me. Wellz, things had been great. I've never been much happier. At least for the past 3months. Be it In school. At home. Among Friends. With Life. And On the hair. Got a new hair cut. Not really a cut actually. I just snipped off the fringe. Myself. Wellz, at least it turns out fine. Here's the proof.

Ok, it's not really obvious. But the tip end of the fringe is in fact tinted.

The colour: Streaks with light copper base.
No, i'm not naked. It's just the camera cant catch the tube i'm wearing.

In case you wan to ask regardin the hair colour, i did it in Cut&Curl Bedok. For only $54bucks. Dye plus Hightlights. Resonable pricin. Reasonable svc. Reasonable Outcome. And on top of it, they give me a VIP card which entitles 10% off on all hair service. Out of a sudden, I feel so damn cheapo. But Overall: Customer Satisfied.

This Entry is unexpectly so long. I just wanted to post some pics initially. Just to end it.

Did eyelash perm in KL. Nvr once been so acute before, even with the help of eyelash curler, and so-called "miracle mascara".

2004-12-16T01:22:00.000+08:00

The photos as promised. I shall named it: "THE Danity K.L Trip"

I'm getting fatter each day. (Tried and Tested).
But i've lost the drive to excerise.
Expressions?
Haaa!

2004-12-14T01:47:00.000+08:00

Right. I'm back. Safe, and Sound. But with some bad experience. Ya, and some chewin gums.

It's not excatly fun. I've not bought enough stuffs, i've not walked enough, i've not explored enough, i've not been to enough palces, and i've not shopped enough. And the next moment, i was so fuckinly broke tat i've drained till my very last coin. And with my situation, i DO think of souvienrs. Damn, I feel so proud of myself.

Things I've learnt: 2 full-day is not enough to explore, and shop at just KL alone. RM600 is very very VERY budget spendin. Never take the train/Lrt in KL, it will drives you nuts. The cars doesnt respect the traffic, let alone the pesdestrians. The best Hotel to stay in The Angasa, tat's wat i feel. The best place(cheapo) place, Chinatown, which opens offically from 5pm to 12pm.

Oh And, we did the stupidest thing. From Times Square, we took a cab down to Sungei Wang. Yeah, slap me. I feel so bimbotic, when Sungei Wang is just ACROSS THE OVERHEAD BRIGDE! And the great freakin taxi driver have the cheek to charge us RM10, when all he needa to do is to make a u-turn in front and turn to the left. Duh!

Okok, i know i may sound like a pathetic little kid. Who had just been let wild. In additional that i've missed a day of V.Important Tutorial for this trip. But the fact is; I've really NEVER been to KL before, if you guys ignore the primary-school-big-plastics-glasses-days time.

Photos downloadin in process. Please wait....
P.S: will upload the photos again.

My next destination; Bangkok, Korea, Japan, Shanghai. I should say destinationSs instead.

2004-12-08T22:46:00.000+08:00

The Adorable Pot-Bellied Pigs.

The Captivating White Tigers.

The Carnivorous Maned Wolf.

The Prominent Orang-Utan.

The KFC's Komodo Dragon.

The Mischievous Baboons.
The Soiled Giant Tortoise.

The Ferocious Crocodiles.

The Scarce White Snake.
The Miniature Penguins.

The Gigantic Elephant.

The Classified Zebras.

The Sluggish Hippos.

The Swift Cheetahs.

The Witty Raccoon.

The Majestic Lions.

Yes, i went to the Zoological Gardens.

2004-12-05T18:23:00.000+08:00

My emotions took the better of me again when readin this blog.

I made his world crashed. I abandoned him when he needa me the most. I took away his meanin in life. I destoryed all his dreams and hopes. I played him out when he's tryin to salvage. I turned my back on him while he pleaded me to stay. I left him heartlessly.

Now, just as he had gotten on. Just as he had woken up. Just as he had put enerythin behind. Just as he had made sense of reality. Just as he had replenished his dreams and hopes. Just as he had forgetten everythin. Why am i still pinnin.

You held on to me cause i'm your friend now.

Not your missin rib anymore.

2004-12-04T14:34:00.000+08:00

Cried and Dried my Tears. I wondered why i would cry.

I've got wat i wana after waitin for 1month. Why aren't I'm happy still?

Few months ago. My SIPmates was sayin how strong am I. I can have the courage "to take on a relationship, and to let it go too". Na De Qi Fang De Xia. Huijun said, i dun cried at the end of a relationship, but instead, i looked forward to life after it. But come think of it. I dun. I can let it go so easily cause I haven sunk into the commitment deep enough in the first place. The shallower you are, the easier you can get out of it. I dun cried cause i hated to be portrayed as the weak party. I hated sympathy from the other party. But back to the point. Why didnt i let myself to sunk into the "quicksand" commitment? Why would i hold back my innermost self? Seriously, at every point of a relationship, there would be someparts where i would choose to be stagnant. And hold back. I cant answer why. I'm afraid. I'm selfish.

Meet up with Kelvin yesterday. Wanted to go for a round of beers at Fisherman V, but in the end, we ended up in Downtown East, as the just-graduated-BMT-soilder had not eaten yet. Lookin at how he's doin now, how great he's enjoyin his path and his plans, i feel real happy for him. But meanwhile, Feelings of Guilt filled me up. Guilt towards Kel. As well as Guilt towards Alex. Sittin in his Sunny in the middle of the night reminds of wat happens 5months back. How hard he tried to salvage the relationship, but how hard i wana out of it. How he long to see me, but how terrified i was of him at that time. However, right now, Irony, how remarkably he is, how remorseful i am now. How much he's enjoyin his life, gettin over the spilt milk, and how i lost my logicalness, lookin back and regrettin. Retribution. Action pays. I laugh at my stupidity. I depised my foolishness. He will always be a friend i hold dear.

Right now, I just wana to; cry all the unhappy feelings out. drink and get drunk. go out and chill. bitch with all my friends. have fun and no restriction. find my direction back in life. After which, I will be OK. I wana start everythin new. Forget wat happened in these 2years.

I cheers to Singlehood.

Love me as a friend.

I cant love you as a someone more than that.

2004-11-29T13:54:00.000+08:00

With response to the popular demand, yes, I'm back. I've been too lazy to logged online recently, let alone writin a blog entry. Been livin in a rountine for 6weeks. wakeup-cleanup-bathe-rushoutofthehouse-take-the-train-startwork-endwork-walktoparadiz-takethebus-home-bathe-sleep. Ok, sometimes i wuld meet up with the girls for a swim, or chillin out, before i contiuned the mundane stuffs again. But anyway, school startin nxt week. Which means, no more Offically wakin up early. This is when i'm startin to appreciate Lectures more. No harm comin in late.

Life's been great over the weekends. I've just got back from Malacca. Family Affair. And i've brought some extra kilos back too. Together with more shoppin of snacks, cute stuffs. All thks to my dad, wonderful recommendation of good foood. Honestly, the food there was really fabalous. Went to this Teochew Resturant whereby Sharon Au had interviewed and recommended. Gosh, i was indeed mesmerised by the taste. Irony, as Malacca was famous for their Baba&Nyona culture. But the food is so common! I was tellin my Mum abt how her cookin is better, the next min, she's all pleased. Watever! The best food (cheap) ever tasted there was the Baba chendol. It was a round ice ball, top with ample of coconut juice, drizzled with thick brown sweet Gula Melaka syrup. Wooohooo! If you dun mind the extra kilos, go try it. It's heavenly! Practically, the purpose of the trip was to stop over for food. As Dad wanted to bring his little chicks (tat's us) over to sample the simplicious delicacies. Wellz, everythin was good. The dim-sum, the chendol, the fried hokkien oyster mee, the chicken rice, the pasar malam, the emorous buns. But i still dun like the Nyona dishes.

After a 2days fun, my one-week goal:

To lose the baggies i've gained this trip.

2004-11-20T16:53:00.000+08:00

All i wana this Christmas, is, to Leave this Country for Long.

2004-11-02T22:33:00.000+08:00

Juz as, i've decided to stop complainin endlessly abt the work workin almost 2 hours of OT everyday, juz as i've consolin that OT means more money comin in to my pocket, juz as i'm startin not to hate the stayin back after 6pm, juz as i'm convinced of how i can IMPRESS my boss that "i'm-all-ready-to-commit-not-mind-long-after-offices-hours". I realised, there isnt anymore OT, startin from this work. How funny. Even though, i'm more then willin to stay-back-to-share-the-freezin-aircon-so-they-would-not-feel-tat-cold, they seems even more willin to chase me away. Cause, there are absolutely nothin to be done. So much for bein efficient. Wellz, technically, i should rejoice, given on the previous post of how much i detest OTing. But come think of it, i have no programmes after work too. All i wana do, is take-the-stupid-147-back-home-and-just-collapse. Hmmmm maybe, one way would helps. I should stop being too competent.

Comin back. I realised the previous posts, includin this, are all work-related. Congrats! This place is becomin borin. [Facts proven. Based on the number of posts in Tagboard, and Haloscan. Or perhaps all my readers like to be Anonymous? Hmmmm] Never mind. "Thisshouldbeahappypage. Andishouldbeahappygirl. Causewearelivininahappyworld. Sopeaceoutandbehappyeveryday." Ya right, So much for a happy world. Slap me please. Why all i see on news are missin kids, kidnapped tourists, and murdered and dumped dead bodies, Frauds in leadin countries, polities conflicts, bombin in Thailand, people livin in fear, Singaporeans blamin the goverment, as if they are not responsible for their own life.

Sometimes, i cant stand the Singaporeans "Kaisu", and "Kaisi" UNIQUENESS, if u wana call it. Isnt it irony? We, sit down, relax, dun care, push everythin to the goverment, yet, when the time comes, blame the goverment for not doin the job. Isnt it irony? Wowen wearin HEAVY GOLD jewellry, yet, arguin in front of passers-by for a 1/2kg FREE ice-cream cake. Isnt it irony? We complain and asked wat the goverment is doin for us, yet we did nothin in return. Isn't it irony? Every year, tixs to the NDP get snapped up within few days, yet more than 5000tixs are left unclaimed with the time comes. Isnt it irony? One guy would lay in the middle of a busy road, yet only near to 20mins later, someone actually stood out to offer help. Isnt it irony? A person who could afford to drive a Lexus S300, yet complained, $4 fried rice is way tooooo expensive. Isnt it irony? We argued about gender equality, yet debated about why girls shouldnt serve the nation. Isnt it irony? Despite all the couresty campanige, yet, people cant get into the habit of swtichin their hps in the movies. And the worst thing is, people dun realised tat, makin those irriatin noises at the owner of the unsilent phone, is more irriatin themselves. Confused? Me too.

So i sounds like a saint? From the bottom of my heart, i wished i'm. Coz, I laughed out loud while watchin Passion of Christ, when the whole cinema were pourin their tears out. I Refused to share seats with Blangala, even though they are payin the same price as me, or maybe more. Ok, i cheated bus fare. 80cents to bring me all the way from orchard to hougang. I sneak into MRTS at times, coz takin train to work everyday is practically, too expensive. I pollute others by puffin away, coz i dun wana to be the one to be polluted. I walked away immediately after lunch at BreadBroad, coz i know there'll those Aunties to clear up my plates. I littered, coz the ground is the nearest rubbish bins. I love 2004's National Day, not because i'm a patriot, but the BK Whopper Meal is at it's all time lowest at ONLY $3.90.

Enough. I'm ashamed of myself too. Anyway, It's been rainin for the past few days. I wonder how is He. 7 long wet day of field camp aint fun. In additions to the Yucky food, Muddy Ground, Strenuous Trainnin, now there are Unpredictable Rains, Intense Sun-Tannin. How great. I hope he brought enough biscuits to last, to replenish of the Green Sticky Gluey Rice. Maybe, after 7days, the big bulge in front of him would be gone. I believe, hard work would pays. Army would changes people, with the help of trainnin of course. From a Boy to a Man. From a Skinny-or-Fats-Bulgin Guy to a Manhunt Material. Why not, just send all the obese people to Army, Tekong most prefarably. They can save on the slimmin session, and the Liposuction too. Healthy, costly, and they pay you to slim down too. Ok, as i was sayin, so far, i do feel, it had changed him. Not physically. But mentally. It's like a stress generatin machine. Sometimes, i dread his bookout day. Because, i duno wat can i do, to make him feel better after a week of tedious trainin. Tat's y i would choose to rather avoid it, than to face it openly sometimes. Literally, others would say: "Just be right there with him" or watsoever. As if things would be so simple. As if there's no conversation involved within. As much as part of me wanted Saturday to arrive faster, part of me wana the weekdays to go by slower.

2weeks without Him by me, 4days with total no calls, no sms. Torturin? Hmmm, not really. I asked myself, can i get along well like this? Indeed, this past weekends are indeed fun. I know i wouldnt be able to do it if he's around. Wellz, I have all the time in the world to myself. Devils, Zouk, Halloween Party, Malaysia, Late nights out. No worries, no obligations, total fun, total madness. [Of course i have my limits too.] But is fun really wat i wana? At this point of life? Wellz, i really duno. But, one thing i'm sure of, tat i've not experience enough YET.

2004-10-29T18:56:00.000+08:00

i'm so damn inefficient. I'm still in the office. workin my arse off.

2004-10-26T13:03:00.000+08:00

workin life is no life. i've been livin in a rountine for the past 1week. this is madness. but when my paycheck comes, i'm a rich little kid. had observed afew little things from the starhub. wana know the little secrets? hehehe. Oh, there's this little mistake in the previous entry, starhub now is known as Starhub Ltd, not Starhub Pte Ltd. Cause they are now a listed company, whereby we could purchase their shares (provided you have the vitamin M). Now, all the econs stuffs are comin to me...

I shall contiune in lunch time again. So long peeps.

(cont'd)

Lunch break: Basically, i've scarcifice my lunchbreak, for u guys! To blog, else the interval would be too sparingly huge. Kiddin la! Lunch in orchard is way too expensive, the minial counts. The "save-food-money-in-order-to-buy-more-clothes" me decided to skip lunch as much as i could. I'm beginnin to start lovin havin lunch alone, own time, own target. Target as in how fasst/slow you can finish your food. No worries, just munchin. Isnt it great? To some extents.

Regardin the Starhubs little secrets? Oh, i've signed the employment form, therefore, to disclose any confidential stuffs regardin the company, they have the right to sue me. Heh, watever, as if i know any secrets too. All i've been doin are waviers for Corporate Companies!

2004-10-20T17:01:00.000+08:00

I've gotten the job. Yes, from tml onwards, i'm a slacker no more. I'm now a workin-blue-collar-adult-in-town-crackin-my-brains-for-starhub-pte-ltd. For the time being. Till the 3rd of dec, unless of course, they decided to terminate my services halfway (which i think it's not possible). Basically, my job scope allows me to assist the finance department, to go around, like a loanshark, collectin debts from those who have outstandin bills. Issuin red warnin letters, sayin if u dun pay ur bills, i'll cancel your services, and YOU have to pay the reconnection fee! Ya, as if. I HAVEN start work yet la.

Anyway, i've decided NOT to post the whole incident in my blog, after i've typed nearly 4thousands words on it. Wat incident? Opps, too bad if u miss it the other time. It's been causin alot of misunderstandin. I reckoned, the best would be, verbal explaination. Never mind. I almost single-handledly destroyed a long-time friendship. Me and my irresponsibility. Kill me pls.

[p.s: i'll still send you wat the contents is, regardin my side of story.]

2004-10-18T23:45:00.000+08:00

[if you happens to be findin the paragraph you've read earlier.

pls come back again. i'm workin on it. in details.]

The weekends came and gone. The long awaitin wait is over. I've saw him, hugged him, touched him, kissed him, cuddled him, held his hands, rest my head on his shoulders, lay next to him, ran into his arms, walked beside him. I'll wait again, patiently.

Darlin & Me, Rebonded Me, Curl Me

2004-10-16T16:19:00.000+08:00

wat's the use of meetin at the destination, when there's already accompaniance.
wat's the use of explainin, when everythin you do is to ur own convenience.
wat's the use of planning, when 90% of the plans wouldn't even succeed.
wat's the use of makin efforts, when none gona appreciate it.
wat's the use of rushin, when no-one's willing to wait for you.
wat's the use of awaitin for this day, since it's 'tirin' to wait.
wat's the use of meetin, when you're not needa.

I'm not goin to attempt to plan anymore surprises.

I'm not goin to look forward to anythin anymore.

I'm not goin to make anymore efforts.

I'm not goin to hear the explainations.

I'm not goin to have anymore hopes.

I'm not goin even explain myself.

When there's a need, there'll Then be actions.
Wat's the use of eveythin, when in this case, there's not even a need.

2004-10-13T23:57:00.001+08:00

After 4months of wavy hair, it's finally over.

Didnt i keep complainin about my damn wavy-messy-dead-troublesome-hair? Tat i have no time to manage them? Now, the wave is in history. I just did the unspeakable, but the self-satisfyin. No more stylin, no more wakin up early, no more risk bein late. I shaved off all my hair! Juz cant stand the heat, and the waviness. The more i looked at it, the more i hated it, and today, some strange force overcame me, i took the electrical shaver, and phew, they're gone...

Ya, as if! Not tat serious la. The grumpy me went for rebondin only. And, i like it So Far. I can now jolly well kiss goodbye to the waves, and say hello to my choco-silky-long-flowing-nice-smellin-pretty-bouncy-shiny-straight rebonded hair.

~~And if u guys are dyin to see my new look, sorry, u gotto wait, coz i wana my Baby to at least have the priority. Haa. So dearest ardent readers, pls wait till Saturday, or maybe, monday?~~ Meanwhile, here's some "old-yet-new" eye candies of mine..

2004-10-10T18:17:00.000+08:00

Baby, come to me, I'm waiting,
Let me hold you tight, don't let go,

Bring it back where love's so good...

Song changed, with courtesy of JunNan. [*winks]

I nearly fainted on my way home today. The feelin sucks. The 15mins walk from the bus stop seems forever. These are times where i wished i have my class 3 license and a car. Or better, someone to chauffer me around.

That's the problem nowadays. Wat's the silly hopes i have of ownin a car, when i dun even have a license. And it brings me back to point 1, i never wanted to be a driver in the first place. Being the passenger is always the best seat in a car. Well, unless you are so godfuckin rich to own a $1 million roarin car, tat's a different story. I always leave the mind-werkin job to the one closest. Be it, family, friends [who drives], baby, or whoever, watever. The Needa-full-concentration job is just not for me. I predict, within 1 month, the 1 yr old Honda would be gone. Tat's if i get lucky, without killin anyone on the road. Btw, there's 3 type of person you should never knock into. One, the motorists. Two, the pedestrains. Three, the ang-mos. Reason: Knockin a motorist down, needa pay money; Knockin the pedestrains, is always ur fault; Knockin the ang-mos, they will sue till you go backrupt. Hah! [Sounds funny ar. This is wat Barry was sayin the other time, when Darlin got into an accident.]

Anyway, ENOUGH of me missin Him. Let's change the topic. The job I was talkin about earlier, was just a 3 days receptionist at NewsPage Pte Ltd. It was easy, all i needa to do is to wait for phonecalls, and i'll go, "Good Mornin, NewsPage. This is Cynthia speakin, how can I help?" And transfer the call to the respective person. Half of the time, i'm stonnin, tryin my best not to doze off on the job. Monday will be my last day. I'm going to be UMEMPLOYED. I NEEDA A JOB.

Please HIRE me! I'm talented. and Hardworkin too. [PLEASE!~~~~]

2004-10-06T17:16:00.000+08:00

It's been a while, my friends. Noticed that till recently, i haven been blogging at a daily basis for the past few months. The interval within each blog entry would be at a minimunm of 2days, sometimes even more.. The thing is, I usually blog when i've something that's worth recording down, like bloggin when there's some inspirations, instead of mundane stuffs. Why? Hmmm, i cant really pinpoint though.

For the past few days, things hadnt been really peaceful for me. Firstly, Baby went in, for transformation, on the 1st of Oct, without me sendin him off expectedly. Reason? I couldnt wake up in time. He called me at 9am, which is the time i was supposed to meet him at Pasir ris interchange, to realised tat his lazy sweetie pie was still in the bed. So much for talkin about sendin him all the way to Tekong, when i cant even make it to Pasir Ris. On the same day, i din turn up for SIP, without an MC, explainations, nothin. I just thought that since it's the last day of SIP, there's no need for all these unnecessarities. Let's say this again with the school reopen. Next, things hadnt been goin well in the family. Wat things, wat happened should be left unsaid, as it would be too personal. All i can say is, this time, i'm more determined than before.

I was walkin along the streets of Orchard alone on the Monday and Tuesday, as my friends hadnt got the time to accompany me for an interview on these consecutive days. The more i roam, the more relaxed i feel. I mean, isit it relaxing to stroll peacefully, alone, at your own pace, along a always busy street? Whereby, the workin blue-collar were buryin in their work, the poor students struggling with their exams, and the primary school no-more-exams kids are too young to be out on their own. The traffic hadnt been that smooth, the streets hadnt been that remote, and the crowds hadnt been that mimial. Before. With a cigarette in my hand, i strolled down the walkway, from Paragon to the bustop opposite the old OG, admiring the serenity. And secretly hopin the holidays for the strugglin students will not come by. That fast. For this scenic view would be gone by the end of this week. When the students are "released-and-comes-out-to-play". Yes, it's abit crazy, fancy walkin along the streets of Orchard, alone, and enjoyin it. Indeed, i enjoy wild company, i dread being alone, but at times like this, i'm more than happy that my friends cant make it. Not that i dun wana them, i appreciate if they could come, but the view is so much more breath-takin, when 100% of the attention is engrossed into it.

I called Dear yesterday, thks to the "free-incomin" that he subsript from M1, immediately after he smsed me. The sms seems to be a silent way of givin the green light for me to call. Upon hearin his voice, tellin him what had really happened for the past few days, i broke down. With the sea breeze blowin into my face, dryin the tears almost instantly. I was at Coasta Sands Resort, East Coast at that moment, in case u are wonderin. After 6days without him, all i wana now is to run into his arms again. As much as i know i should have the "be-positive-dun-let-him-worry-about-me-yet-i-worry-about-him" behaviour, as much as i know i needa stand strong, as much as i know i was not supposed to be cryin, as much as i know wat i needa know, but realistically, i cant survive on my own, and i truly know it too. For the past few days, i've only been strugglin with my emotions, holdin my tears back, not breakin down. But with his gentle voice, the moment, i know i cant take it anymore, i had to let all these out. The burden is too much for me to bare, alone. I mean, Really, alone. It's just a hidden fact tat things would be much much better if he's here. IF. 10 more days.

Well, as the above mentioned, it's my class, the e068, chalet at Coasta Sands, East Coast. I shouldnt say the chalet is fun, but it's the accompanice that counts. People changes, Things changes, and Class changes. As much as we loathe it, Changes are inevitable. The difference is only, for the better or worse. After a long time with Yanping, regarding our process, the SIPs, lookin back at the year1 us, and how we got spilt up as a group. And with the sea breeze blowin through out silky hair, and the darkness around us, our girly emotions are intense. Oh, yes, it's the same place where i've bared out my tears. Heh. I'm truly glad i've changed. Into a better person. I'm thankful for the argument we had, for it's tat which woke me up. Maybe we are not really good friends, or maybe not for times to come. I'm already delighted that at least we do not ignore each other, at least we are more than acquaintances. Whatever it is, i love the class. I love you girls, the individual 6 of u, excludin me. I love you e068s.

Good news for u guys, i've found a job. Heh.

2004-10-01T01:54:00.000+08:00

How great. As a matter of fact, in another few hours, my silly boy has to report to pasir ris interchange at 10pm. For wat occasion? To be transform from a Boy to a Man. A reliable, patriot, sexy, delicious soilder. The ah-ping-ge.

Silly Baby, This is for u..
U better come back in a Piece. U hear me!!!

2004-09-27T21:30:00.000+08:00

After a "intelligential" conversation i had with my Baby, I realised, indeed, too much blog writing would leads to self-pity, or even much worse, havin a serious need for attention. Reason? Simple. As it's our own blog, we tend to focus more on our emotions, thus summarzin the whole incident, into one which has-us-as-the-main-lead. As a consequence, our readers would only be aware of one side of the story, which in this case, is ours of course. But however, throughout the process of readin the blog entry, readers have already turn on their emotional feel, and thus, without knowin the real story, our ardent readers would tend to take sides, as sympathy would take place for the reader. And condemation of the other party was be done.

Honestly, I've been there, and done that. Sadly to sad, i'm not at least proud of it. Instead, i felt that i could have done it better. As i read into my past blog entries, i was ashamed. Downright. I cant help but realised how inmature i was in the relationship. Instead of protecting the rights of Kelvin, the then boyfriend, i went on rambling and rambling on how MISERABLE and DISAPPOINTED i was in the whole relationship. And, yupz, i got sympathy. Friends, at that point of time, were calling up, checkin to see if i'm fine. After, a particular blog entry about how Kelvin was pityin me. Now, when i looked back, i apprehend that i WAS the one who's pityin myself.

Wellz, so what the point here? Juz that.... a blog is to write watever we feel, we want, and we like. But as we are composin our story, we needa to be reminded tat the whole world is evolvin around other people too, at the same time. Sometimes, i needa to remind this to myself too. Lastly, the morale of the story is..............

People with Narrow minds, gossip about People,
People with Intermediate minds, discuss about Events,
People with Broad minds, analysize about Ideas.

So which category do you fall into?

2004-09-23T16:38:00.000+08:00

Here i am again, It's been a few days. And now, I'm back in a piece. With my ugly curly hair, and my big fat butt. Still. Anyway, it's not like something bad had happened to me. Just that, i'm suffering from pre-bloggin illness. I've logged in a couple of times, and left, without typin anythin. Cause i've got nothin to type...

So here i am again. The past few days have been busy, busy and BUSY. With wat? Hmmm.... Spendin time with my baby at Clearwater. Slackin. Goin Swimmin. Bakin in the sun. And suffering in a hot-air-not-ventilation-room called suana. Ok, and not forgettin, clockin in for school too. Startin this week

Nevertheless, the holiday mood is here, the relax mode is still on. The group arent doing anythin after we came back from the completion of the survey forms in different polys. All we did in school was, eatin breakfast, and back here, watchin DVD on my laptop, and it's free time. That's when i would sneak out, Weijie would on his sleep mode, and Huijun, engrossed in the facilities the library is providing. It's ok guys, gimme another one week, And the real holidays is here. We can kiss goodbye to the stupid clockin system, and say "Hello" to mid-noon sleeps. Endure people.

And no offence to ALL the starhubbers out there, I FUCKINGLY hate starhub. To hell with their free incoming calls. Oh no, I SHOULD say, TO HELL WITH THE CHEAPO STARHUBBERS. What the christ is with, call-ring-once-and-hang-up, so they would have a missed call and call back, so the freakin starhubbers need not pay. I hate this. I fuckingly hated it. And i'm proud to say, I Dun call back in this case. "You wana talk to me, PAY MONEY." And it's not tat i'm not payin for the phonecall you've made too. I'm with M1. These people better wake up their stupid ideas. It's like puttin ur cheaponess on other expenses. Arent you ashamed of it? Or you are just tryin hard to show that you are a Patriot, with all the Singapore kiasuism in your blood.

2004-09-18T03:56:00.000+08:00

Hold on, Hold on, Hold on.

*If there's this need*

Ya, But how long?

I duno why. Maybe i know. I'm losin all the confidence in myself. I needa a MakeOver. I needa a change. I juz feel sooo inferior. Sometimes, I think that i'm not good enough.

And this is so not me. I must breakaway. And stop being "this bimbo" now.

There's so much things around across my mind now. Bits of wat happened are flashin back. But at 4am in the mornin, all i really wana is a good nite slp.

End of story. Pls dun ask me why and what. And dun prode me to go on.

2004-09-15T16:56:00.000+08:00

I found somethin on friendster which i thought is interestin. Here it goes:
"A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty. He said No. She then asked him if he would want to be with her forever. He said No. Again, She asked him if she were to leave would he cry. Once again he replied with a No. She turned and walked away, with tears streaming down her face, as she had heard enough. The boy grabbed her arm and said: "No, You're not pretty, you're beautiful. No, I dont want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever. And No, I wouldnt cry if you walked away, I'd die..."

For a min, I was completely swept off my feet by his touchin answer. The feeling was like "ohhh-it's-so-romantic-that-i-would-die-in-his-arms". That's only if whoever he is, was here.Okay, maybe i'm too exgarrating. Excluding heardin this in Disney's fairytale story only, arent these lines some sort of a script for a romantic and yet so predictable movies? Along with a you-love-me-i-love-you-together-we-can-be endin? As i snapped back to the reality, to this cruel world, i realised expecting this answer from guys is NEARLY impossible. Mind you guys, I said Nearly, to prevent being accussed of stereotypin. Guys, a great percentage of them, tend to bottle up their feelings. Heardin them sayin how much they are appreciative of you is so difficult. But however, there're exceptions of course. One, either your guy is forced (by you) to say it (to you) often. Two, either your guy is emotionally high-maintanance. Three, either he did somethin grave. Examples, havin an affair, a threesome, etc. Four, the period before an hurricane is always the most peaceful. Breakup! Ok, scarin you girls only la.

Seriously, i feel too much sweet-nothings would make a girl paranoid. Well, at least it goes for me. Girls are funny creatures. No. I'm a funny creature. On one hand, I crave to hear how much i'm loved, however, on the other hand, I find it hard to trust a guy if he keep tellin me things tat's goes: "Oh, i cant live without you. What would i be without you. I love you so much. " Sounds famaliar huh? I do think, a rather simple yet sweet "I Love You", would do the trick. There's no need to go into details. Cause it would makes me feel tat, it's seems like you have practised it so many times, tat you can even say it so easily. Well, even it's so, I dun have anythin to add on too. I would only go "Ok, i heard you. So thank you". I know, i know, it's so, funny. But seriously, i think it's kina difficult to say such not-so-common things. Tat's y i'm classified as a "Not-good-with-Words" person. I guess, if Alex were to tell me this straight in my face one day, my 1st reaction would be: "Yeah right, tat's a lie." It's not like he will say tat anyway. Besides, some things are better left unsaid, but expressed. Actions often speaks louder than words. Most of the time.

So much for talkin abt relationship. Pretendin to be a Relationship guru. Haa. Endin soon. Once more quote: "Never forget to tell others that you love them, when you have the chance, coz we duno what would happens the next day." So people, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You!!! *i've practiced. heh.*