Wednesday, January 05, 2005
I just read all the previous posts that i've written in the past. The archives. From the very 1st post. I can still rem how i bugged yl to teach me abt postin pics on the blog, how i bug vivian abt the html codes, and how i complain abt how troublesome tyin all the codes when you wana change the colours so on. Ahhh, memories. The very first post of this blog starts on the 8th March 2004. And the very last post was obviously, 3rd Jan 2004. After 10months down the road. it's indeed amazing, the style of my writtin hasnt changed a bit. The only different is the length of the post. In the past, all the entries are magically short and bittersweet. But now, the entries seems to be longer. Perhaps, it's goin through the puberty stages where young childrens turn into adosecents and shoots up in the height suddenly. Never mind that, the only logical reason that i can think of is; the goin-to-be-21-year-old me had grown up, phyically [more curves!] and emtionally, thus more complains and displeasures with the ugly side of human nature.
Other than the length of the entries, the contents are so much different. In the past, the whole entry sums up to a word. BORED. Why? It's all abt relationship stuffs. And it's not wat ningz, or weiru's read-already-envy-only type of bliss, abt how loving the two couples are, and proven with endless of pictures abt their diabates sweetness. But it's the non-stop-on-goin of irriating complains i had abt the relationship. How bored i am in the relationship, how i dun wana to be tied down, and the list goes on. Makes me think how a fucked-up girlfriend i am in the past. All i have are complains abt The Boyfriend. And not a word of compliments at all. [Maybe i should add the Archives link in the blog template, and the ugly side of me, underneath this "pretty face" shall be reveal.] But then again, i assumed "Whoever reads the entries then, would want to give me a hard slap", because of how self-centered i was, i shall keep it discreet. But then again. Never mind. In the past. It saids.
Wellz, speakin of relationship, few days back, i was chattin with yl, in MSN, over my "de-attachment" recently. Not that recent actually, but the poor guy was just not updated enough. Anyway, he was certain that not after long, i will hook myself up with another guy. I disagreed. Strongly.
I asked myself. Do i really need tat someone? Do i really need that strong shoulder to lean on in the long boring bus rides home? Do i really need that tanned arms to rest my hand on? Do i really need the fingers to fill up the gaps between my fingers? Do i really need that particular number to dial to? Do i really need that special one to spend every weekends with? Do i really need someone to pay for the romantic-for-two dinner? Do i really need couple-seats movie tixs? Do i really need the little sweet surprises? Do i really need the heart-warmin embrace? Do i really need that sweet goodnight kiss? Do i really need the aching hand to sleep on in the night? Do i really need the familiar face to wake up to every mornin? Do i really need another family to have dinner with? Do i really needa have supper which a whole group of his clique? Do i needa listen to those honey-coated sweet nothings? Do i really needa to be tied by, cut short of the fun because of the particular special one? Do i need to edit my profile to "in a relationship" in friendster?! Yeah, of coz, I do.
But not now. I'm currently havin no obligation fun, plenty of freedom, lotsa time to myself, lotsa time for my friends, authority to plan my own schedule, to play the dating game, and nothin now would makes me give everythin up. Havin no1 to report to, havin no1 to bear in mind, havin no1 to consider abt the jealousy, havin no1 to give me reports, havin no1 askin my whereabouts [excludin dad], makes me a happy girl. The last thing i ever wanted is to lead myself to the commitment stage. Specifically, the last thing i wana is a relationship. Right now.
beautiful memories on. 4:57:00 pm x
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