Wednesday, March 16, 2005

people says. reap wat you sow. i agreed.

past memories came. like an old-long-distant friend.

who's the one who says time heals. tat's a lie.

and who's the other one who says time makes you forget. tat's another lie.

i always thought i'm in the wrong. wellz, i am.

but, it takes to hands to clap. indeed.

in a year. i can say. i've grown.

to somemore. much stronger and more people-sensitive.

i thought i've gotten over. over everythin tat had happened. till today.

i realised. i still hate the word pity.

i still cant erase that scene. tat voice. tat particular moment.

i did tried. but. sorry i cant.

i just. simply. still. hate the word pity.

i remember every single word i read on the icq history log.

i remember the daze at the 72 bustop.

i remember the long trip back home.

i remember how i cried. and hide in my room.

i remember how i refused to answer calls, refuse to reply sms.

i remember how i hide myself. into my solitary corner.

i remember that one month no-contact-period.

i start to remember everythin. everythin that had been thrown into the past.

apart from this. i recalled. how i let you go.

how much hurt i've initiated on you. the moment you discovered the truth.

the period after my HongKong trip. how despondent you were then.

i remembered caused i wrote it down. into my diary tat night. the two nights.

and silly me. took it out and read it all over again.

cause curiousity gotten the better of me.

yes it did. however no. it backfires.

the emotions is just too strong to bear. again.

all the memories started comin back. like a broken down projector.

like the tsumani came overwhelmin. past terrors strikes.

the tears are like waves. arrivin at no intervals. once more.

till today. i never know it affects so much. it hurts so much.

the guilt. the anger. and the disappointment.

ignorance is. indeed. blissful.

undisruptive tranquility is. indeed. beautiful.

unrecap reminiscence is. indeed. indescribly attractive.

y would anyone wana to know everythin. a women's intuition perhaps.

thus steppin over the boundary and get yourself hurt.

dun you argee. pple are strange aint they.

the more they know they cant. they more they wana.

and who they blame when hurts come. others but themselves.

now lookin back. as honest as i can be.

it was wrong for me to be unappreciative. but then again.

in the past. it states. it is.

now. i'm lookin forward. to where i was lookin before.

still friends. of course. and no doubt about it.

but not as close. this is for sure.

not because of wat had happend. between us. in the past

but it's because. i simply dun understand you at all now.

dear friend. things can never be the same again.

without trust. without mutual understandin. without you tellin me wat's wrong.

it's really difficult for us. for me especially.

other den jokes and general talks, we cant communicate at all.

know. when you see a person.

and there's nothin more to say den hi&bye.

then. that the time. to let this friend off. without any regrets.

but. no way. for you. no way.

know wat. i still love you. yes i do.

but this time. it's a complete different love.

it's friendship instead. this time round.

and promise me. as friends will.

nothin ever changes. in any way.

take care in camp meanwhile. see you on your next bookout day.

cheerios. my love.

beautiful memories on. 5:34:00 pm x ........................................